Leaving the board

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hi everyone,

I am writing to let everyone know that I am leaving the forum.

I was very touched by many members here and some exchanges were both touching and thought-provoking and I really appreciated the experience.

However, I realized that my continued presence here was keeping some sort of connection to my BPD ex alive, and it wasn't propitious to my healing. Focusing on many other things was the way to go for me.

It is very hard to find a balance between distraction from pain, and acceptance of pain. Both are necessary to find new levels of growth in a balanced - not overwhelming - manner.

I have found that this particular relationship and its aftermath caused such a high level of obsession in me that it was better for me to distract myself from my pain, reach a higher level of balance and health because of that, and then, but only then, sit with the pain and the painful (or bittersweet) memories that come up, and allowing their imprint to leave my body and soul.

I have been doing better since I left, two months have elapsed since I broke up with my ex (complete No Contact, I have changed my phone number and even moved to prevent any communication).

Yet there still is much healing for me to do !

Anyway, I wanted to thank everyone here for their warm welcome, all the time spent answering our messages, and the degree of openness and vulnerability I have found here.

Also, I have found that the kindness of people here is quite unequalled, as in spite of our rightful anger, nobody ever indulged in hateful comments toward their exes, quite the contrary. I have found that this very delicate balance is hard to maintain also, and I can say that this community touched me because of its continued efforts to keep a very respectful and humanizing view of people who have hurt them so.

Last but not least : it wasn't my idea to say a final farewell to the board, Ad Meliora suggested it to me. I really had to say that because the way he put it was so kind and beautiful, he said : "many people here haven't had a proper "goodbye" or "closure" from their exes, so it would be a kind thing for you to come and say goodbye."

This made me feel the deepest connection to something very beautiful, I felt that with that suggestion we were reaching the deepest depth of interpersonal care and empathy, so, I gladly followed Ad Meliora's suggestion, and still wanted to honor him for this degree and level of kindness and sensitivity.

Farewell !

I hope and wish on everyone of you to find the best path towards your healing.




 

[Newdawnnewday]

Hi everyone,

I am writing to let everyone know that I am leaving the forum.

I was very touched by many members here and some exchanges were both touching and thought-provoking and I really appreciated the experience.

However, I realized that my continued presence here was keeping some sort of connection to my BPD ex alive, and it wasn't propitious to my healing. Focusing on many other things was the way to go for me.

It is very hard to find a balance between distraction from pain, and acceptance of pain. Both are necessary to find new levels of growth in a balanced - not overwhelming - manner.

I have found that this particular relationship and its aftermath caused such a high level of obsession in me that it was better for me to distract myself from my pain, reach a higher level of balance and health because of that, and then, but only then, sit with the pain and the painful (or bittersweet) memories that come up, and allowing their imprint to leave my body and soul.

I have been doing better since I left, two months have elapsed since I broke up with my ex (complete No Contact, I have changed my phone number and even moved to prevent any communication).

Yet there still is much healing for me to do !

Anyway, I wanted to thank everyone here for their warm welcome, all the time spent answering our messages, and the degree of openness and vulnerability I have found here.

Also, I have found that the kindness of people here is quite unequalled, as in spite of our rightful anger, nobody ever indulged in hateful comments toward their exes, quite the contrary. I have found that this very delicate balance is hard to maintain also, and I can say that this community touched me because of its continued efforts to keep a very respectful and humanizing view of people who have hurt them so.

Last but not least : it wasn't my idea to say a final farewell to the board, Ad Meliora suggested it to me. I really had to say that because the way he put it was so kind and beautiful, he said : "many people here haven't had a proper "goodbye" or "closure" from their exes, so it would be a kind thing for you to come and say goodbye."

This made me feel the deepest connection to something very beautiful, I felt that with that suggestion we were reaching the deepest depth of interpersonal care and empathy, so, I gladly followed Ad Meliora's suggestion, and still wanted to honor him for this degree and level of kindness and sensitivity.

Farewell !

I hope and wish on everyone of you to find the best path towards your healing.




 

[Searchingg]

This is beautiful and so on point, and very helpful to me to read as I’m entering a separation. Thank you for writing it. I wish you much happiness and peace always

[Newdawnnewday]

Thank you for this very kind reply ! I wish  you a deep, nurturing and fruitful healing.

The best we can hope for ourselves is to be able to turn the hardships we have to endure into gold.