I guess this was a recycle?

[ILMBPDC]

Back before I realized I was dealing with BPD and I used to try to reason with him, I asked him during an argument why he kept contacting/“sexting” old flames (or various random other people) and it was one of the few times I think I actually got a truthful answer from him. He yelled “because I’m so pathetic I’ll attach myself to anyone that smiles at me!” 

Yeah that sounds about right. I remember reading that because they have such insecurities about themselves they tend to attach to anyone who shows them any kind of affection which validates their self esteem.

I wonder if BPDers can actually truly fall in love or whether they just love the idea that someone is in love with them, which is wonderful for them until they feel that you’ve taken it away (whether you have or not isn’t part of their reality).

I have wondered this myself but I think that, as humans, they have the capability. It really just depends on how bad their defense mechanisms are, how bad the inner wounds that they are trying to hide/protect are and how strong those defense mechanisms are. And how much they need to have that external validation to feel like they are worthy of even just being alive.

If you look into attachment theory, it discusses how early childhood experiences basically inform later attachment styles. I think a huge part of most pwBPD (though not all) is that they had childhood experiences where they were emotionally neglected. pwBPD all have insecure attachments, as evidenced by the way they are in relationships. A lot of them have what's known as disorganized attachments which can cause them to relate others in a chaotic, unpredictable way and is the cause of a lot of the push/pull behavior. I actually have a disorganized attachment style myself, though mine has manifested in cPTSD and not BPD, sadly I can relate to the inner turmoil that causes the push/pull dynamic. A lot of it is due to self preservation - if they are feeling rejected all (whether justified or not), they will pull away to avoid the pain.

[VeronicaL]

Something you wrote really struck me. Mourning the old one. In May my SO broke up out of the blue.  Right after an anniversary, etc. It never made sense, bc things were perfect and he was always saying this would not have happened if not for the problem (he may be thinking he has this); Other times he would get really upset that this problem ruined everything for him. He won't tell me the problem. But he said he couldn't be in a romantic relationship while this problem has a hold on him and Bring me down w him
At one point , he seemed to be resigned..like no hope. He feels, that counselors can't help him. He said something about mouring and he keeps talking about that time. Like he is distraught about the breakup. We were kinda back (non name situation). we never stopped talking and got back to seeing each other again...
Well he broke up again out of the blue, and more mad this time like he never got space he needed and he know how to fix this, and now it's all worse! (my fault). None of it went like that..but he's mad
But he says he needs to not seen me, no contact, etc bc he needs to get better and heal from how the first break up happened.!
Just the mourning things. Like he says this problem will be forever.Almost like in his clear moments he tries to gt me away.

Her happiness is a form of insanity and his happiness is due to a lie. That's why she keeps talking to you: because she knows where it all stands. And worse: she knows you are suffering and that you would take her back in a minute. At this moment, you are submissive to her (like I am to my ex). And it will go on as long as you hold on to the hope that your old relationship with the girl who once loved you will come back. It won't. It will never come back. Even if you had another not round with her, it would be a relationship with somebody who's no longer the girl you once knew. Let this "new girl" go and respect the "old one" by mourning the good things you have both been through.