I'm so glad you found "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and that you came out of reading it with a sense of hope. Knowing that you don't have to just keep living this way forever... must be a weight off of your shoulders.
All of this sounds so familiar:
He blows up over the tiniest slights from anyone
the whole world is conspiring to disrespect him
he cannot ever see that he is wrong
It's always someone else's fault that he has problems in his life
(just highlighting the whole thing... so accurate)
he's always managing a crisis
he refuses therapy because he doesn't believe that anything is wrong with him (there's something wrong with all of the rest of us)
Yes, yes, and yes.
While I'm not a medical or mental health professional, all these facets of behavior are like a "connect the dots" puzzle, and when you draw the lines to connect them, it's like "aha! now I see the full picture" which sure looks like a personality disorder -- a pervasive and entrenched way of seeing the world and having relationships that is chaotic, dysfunctional, immature, and hurtful, with extreme emotions that are poorly managed.
Can I ask, is he living with you at the moment?
What's your level of supporting him tangibly? Anything from "nothing, he's an adult who is responsible for his own life" through "insurance and gas money" through "he lives at home and we feed him" through whatever.
Knowing the level of involvement you have in his life can help us help you in your new quest to set some boundaries and "take back the steering wheel" of your own life.
While your new journey may be very difficult at times, it is possible to come out of it with your self respect and a sense of knowing that while you've done everything you can for your adult child, you are making different choices and allowing your son to make his own, too.
Keep us posted on how you're doing;
kells76