Today, emotionally, was lots of bright sunshine with cold rain... A Weird day

[DogMom2019]

When you finally had the resolve that your pwBPD can't change the core of who they are and you are exhausted... What did you do next? In speaking with my therapist today, we've uncovered some things and I've gained insight on my behavior and it is starting to sink in that my spouse can not change the core of who she is (reading all of your stories and replies have helped tremendously... SO Thanks!) But I am now left with this weird feeling... I still absolutely love her, but working the tools all day everyday seem like more than I can do right now, I'm exhausted from the 5 month rollercoaster we have been on, and the thought of being with someone who will allow space for me to human is like looking for the North Star (it's bright as day and there to light my path). I want to be with her, I truly do, but a healthier version of her. A version that will work on herself, actually just a version that will acknowledge that there is something wrong.

It was just a weird day where I received validation from my therapist without prompt, my spouse started reaching out to me to let me know that she was okay but also that we haven't talked and married people don't act like this, my peer support buddy acknowledged that carrying this around must be heavy, and then the recent replies I've received on the forum. I'm happy to know I'm not crazy but sad to know that my marriage will never be a normal one (that is if my spouse is not serious about these divorce threats).

Emotionally, today for me was lots of sunshine with cold rain... It's just a weird day.