Grief and Sorrow

[Recycle]

Hi, everyone! I haven’t posted in a couple of years. I have always felt safe and supported here. ❤️

My elderly uBPD Mom has almost completely removed herself from the outside world. Our relationship consists of short phone conversations shrouded by her perpetual chronic pain, anxiety, depression, PTSD, insomnia, and long-term use of opioids. She told me awhile back that the only feelings of hope she experiences comes with making plans to do things (yet she has been home bound for years and almost always cancels any planned activities and appointments).

I have been in therapy since 2003 and have done a lot of work on my own anxiety and the effects of enmeshment with my Mom until my mid-20s (I’m 45). Over the summer, I was finally (and properly) diagnosed with OCD (Pure, where my obsessions and compulsions are thought-based). So now I am on a journey with a new set of tools that have opened my eyes to so many more levels of hope, but also grief and sorrow. I am so sad that my Mom is held captive by so many horrible demons. And that these demons + the choices she has made/has not made over the years, are keeping her from experiencing EVERYTHING.

I have experienced so much grief and sorrow since the summer of 2020 (like many of us have). And what I didn’t expect to feel is grief, sorrow, and also anger that my Mom hasn’t been there for me through it - truly there as a self-actualized participant in her own life and the lives of others.

Thank you for listening. ❤️

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

It has been a long journey Recycle. It seems now, finally, you have come to a turning point, a new journey with the tools to guide you along the way.

The clarity that you have gained has made it clear to see the loss that you have suffered along the way. And from what you describe, you are faced with that loss in seeing how your mother is now.

Perhaps the emotions are a good thing? I think children of a bpd parent would have to contain emotions in their interactions with their parent? You have a therapist to guide you through this and the tools to support you as you begin a new phase of your life. I hope you keep moving on this journey.