Hi folks, I want to update you and although I know now that BPD thinking is not even close to "normal" thinking, I need some words of confirmation, I guess.
I stumbled upon two books, unfortunately, they're in German only. One is addressed to partners in Borderline R/S and one is about the vulnerable narcissism, also called female narcissism.
The latter is probably interesting for all who were in a romantic R/S (or interaction)with a pwBPD since we probably all share the same pattern.
At first, I was kinda offended that
I should be narcissistic, but when I started to read the book I had to admit, that the author pretty much described me. And she opened my eyes so widely.
I was even able to get in touch with my feelings from a childhood trauma, I could talk about, but never
felt, which released A LOT of tension inside of me and raised a blockage. That was the moment when I realised it was never about my ex-bf, but about me. That I wanted to solve a trauma I had with my dad as well. Mindblowing.
The other one helped me so much to understand him, my ex-bf was almost textbook. It was so relieving to read that this was something that has been scientifically proven. And additionally, the author described their inner processes. I couldn't comprehend but kinda understood what the issue is. But I could definitely not understand their distorted perception of reality.
Where we come to the main point:
I was still in touch with some of his "friends", I rather call them needed social contacts because few of them were real friends.
Never mind, I was still chatting to one of them, a young girl, 21, from abroad, living in the capital of my country. She posted on IG that she was in desperate need of a room since her landlord kicked her out and I offered to ask my friends and family who live there if they can offer help.
Two days later I found an EC card that belonged to my ex-bf in my purse. I was around his home and was planning to just put it in the post box, however, I missed our dog so much, that I couldn't resist and knocked on his door. Damn impulsiveness.
I could enter the building because the door was open.
He opened his door, said "oh", I handed him the card, "thank you" from him, "you're welcome" from me, I turn around and go downstairs again. The dog was not home, nothing else to say.
When I stood in the stairway I heard him talking to someone on the phone, he wondered how I came inside of the building, how crazy that is, that he'd never had a stalker before but apparently had one now, that I blocked him unprompted after we broke up, what proved what a psychopath I was, that I wrote him a letter in which I confronted him with his behaviour and advised to look into these issues and turned my friends against him as well. It was bizarre.
On the way home I received a voice note from one of his friends, however, it was my ex-bf speaking, saying that what I just did was absolutely inappropriate and an approached stalking and that he "has to call the police" should I come back again or be somewhere I knew he was.
Wtaf. How distorted does he perceive the world? It was literally crazy.
Apparently, he was now afraid of me, this kind of hate does not come from anywhere else but fear.
And I'm again, more than happy that I could exit this toxic interaction with him.
I just hope he keeps his pattern up and moves to a different city in a year, so I won't bump into him by accident and cause the police to come and arrest me because of stalking.
Aside from that, I'm doing well, what helped me, is turn the question around, that I used to ask myself:
Not "What kind of person must I be that my bf, and as I thought future husband, turns against me within days and hates me so much?"
But: "What kind of person is he that he turns against his gf and declared future wife within days and hates her so much, although nothing happened?"
There's something wrong with him. Not with me.
Jesus, what an experience.
