Any suggestions

[Wakefield]

My son is 27 and lives at home with my husband and I. He has been fired from all his jobs (3) for stealing. He has a conviction for indecent exposure after getting off similar charges the previous year.
He has had a seven year relationship which broke up after this happened. He has managed to get another job  (disclosed his conviction). He says he likes his job.
Last week the police came and said he was seen exposing himself again. He had a valid alibi (was picking up pizza - had receipt) and they left.
I think he is again stealing from work as he put goods outside to be picked up by someone.and we know he cant afford what was in the bag. His wages are very low and he has no work when it rains - only gets paid for 2 hours. Very difficult to get a job with him having a conviction and on probation.
 What do I do? He lies without blinking an eye. He avoids us as much as possible, smokes weed and takes meds for anxiety. He has cut himself in the past and I have seen bandages in his drawer which means he may still be doing it. I know he goes online and exposes himself to random people as he left an app open on my toolbar.He has been to some counseling but no changes. I have no money to pay for more counseling. I have a stressful job. My husband was fired for serious misconduct earlier this year (his ex boss had it in for him) and avoids conflict at any cost. So it's up to me. Any suggestions... thanks for reading as I've had a bit of a rant.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hi Wakefield, welcome to the group. You're going through so much, so we're glad you reached out for support.

Can I ask, do you have any other kids? Any of them living at home too? Just getting a better feel for your situation.

You've mentioned

He has been to some counseling but no changes. I have no money to pay for more counseling.

Has your son received an official BPD diagnosis? On the one hand, not that a label "matters" for dealing with intense, dysfunctional behavior; on the other hand, I'd be interested to hear if he did get a diagnosis, how he took the news.

Wakefield, your son is making a lot of self-destructive (and other-destructive) choices, and I can't imagine how hard that is to watch. I wonder if you have any therapy or counseling for yourself and your husband as you both go through this process. When there's a person with a PD (personality disorder, or traits) in our lives, we need an immense amount of support so we can make the healthiest possible choices, even though those choices may seem "mean" or "unhelpful" to the pwBPD.

A big question standing out to me right now is:

What would it be like for you to allow your son to experience the natural consequences of his choices?

...

Write back whenever works for you, and again, welcome;

kells76