Update and Struggling a little

[Carguy]

Hey everyone, I'm back. I've been struggling a little the last few days

So I hadn't seen or talked to the ex from November up to a few weeks ago. She is back to work at Walmart and while I was in there I seen her and asked how she had been (she rang up my items). She told me really good and asked how I had been. I said good. I told her I just wanted her to know I do care about her. She said ok.

The next day I seen her getting ready to cross the parking lot so I waved. I think I was previously blocked on text but that night she must have unblocked me and text me saying "Leave me completely alone". I still don't understand what I did so bad but ok. I've left her alone since but she was heavy on my mind Monday so stupidly I looked at her Facebook profile. She now has a profile pic of her and the new guy. It hit me kind of hard and has messed with me. I'm glad it was now and not 3 months ago because it would have really hit me hard. I've struggled to get a good night's sleep lately. I can see that's likely why she text me that. Funny thing is she hasn't had a profile picture of her and another guy since she had a pic of the two of us 6 years ago so it was kind of a surprise to me. Even though she is going to counseling I know it will likely be wash rinse repeat just like our relationship and all the others I've seen her torpedo in the last 6 years. Both friends and boyfriends when we've been apart (I haven't seen any last more than a few months).

I know it probably doesn't matter but man, it still hit me kind of hard and messed with me. I am on some dating sites looking to meet some new people though so we'll see how that goes.

[drumdog4M]

It's natural that you feel jealous and triggered seeing that, anyone would. When my ex told me about her new lover or old lovers she recycled, it drove me crazy. She wants to get a reaction our of you. It is very hard to let go, especially with all the social media and IM'ing unless you are at a point where you can go NC.

I'm willing to bet almost all of us here have had similar experiences, and it set us back. It's also really hard when we were told we were "the love of her life" to see how easily and quickly they can move on. And to act like they have a "perfect' relationship. In all likelihood, they do not. It will implode, just like all the others. As a number of the good and wounded people here have said, though it doesn't feel like it, her being with someone new, actually is a blessing in disguise because it reduces the likelihood she will draw you back in to her cycle.

We are here for you. Hang in there, and if you can maybe try not going to the Walmart when she's working there.

[Carguy]

Thanks Drumdog4m.

I'm not sure if she's looking for reaction. We haven't been friends on Facebook for awhile although she may have done it in case I look so I know and leave her alone? Who knows?

She told me things like that many times over the last 6 years. Last November maybe a week or two before she told me to stay away she told me she loved me deeply and wanted to be with me but felt the relationship was toxic. They sure flip fast.

I'm pretty sure it will eventually. I doubt she'll change overnight. The new guy will eventually see the disordered side.

I know in my mind it's probably a blessing and keep trying to tell myself that. I think it will help with me moving on. It still hurts deeply to see though.

Thank you. I actually have started doing that. I know her schedule from when we were together. She gets off at 4 and I work until 5 so it works out good for me cause I can do any shopping I need after work without running into her.

[brighter future]

I just logged in after being away for a little while and saw your post, Carguy. It's been close to two weeks since you posted this, so I wanted to check in and see if you're feeling any better.

Hang in there, my friend.

[Carguy]

Hey brighter future. Thanks for checking up on me. I haven't been able to get to the site for the last couple of weeks for some reason. At first it wouldn't go into it and then it wouldn't even show up on my Google search. It wasn't until yesterday that I could get back in. I'm not sure if it was the site or what.  I was pretty bummed.

I'm still struggling a bit. I have noticed that lately I have been missing her once again. I am still maintaining distance and only going to Walmart when I know she is off work so I don't run into her. She has been in my dreams sometimes as well.

 Honestly  There is a big part of me that hopes this new relationship of hers fails. It is the part of me that is angry and hurting.  I think at this point the bigger part of me doesn't want to get back together with her because I know I will be back in this same spot once again like I have been repeatedly. It has also gotten worse each time. There is a part of me that still misses her and wants to be with her though. I need to keep pushing this part further down until it's completely gone. Maybe hoping her relationship fails makes me a bad person but I'm hurting.

 Like I said, I have been staying away and I have also been trying to not talk much about her with anybody. Trying to just forget it I guess. My coworker (that is a car salesman in the front part of our dealership) came back the other day and asked me if I was still with her. I told her no. She told me that she had heard that my ex was dating somebody else.  She told me the guy has a daughter that is only 5 years younger than my ex. The daughter and son in law found it weird and was wondering if my ex was a gold digger.  She's not but my coworker telling me this did make me grin a little. It falls back to my hoping the relationship fails because of my hurt and anger.

 I would never say this to anyone other than maybe a close friend but it's how I feel at this moment. I hope to get to the point of just not caring anymore.