ExSD23 homeless

[Mutt]

There’s a lot to unpack but I’ll just share enough so that members will get the gyst of it.

I split up with my ex wife almost 10 years ago that has BPD traits. She had a D from a previous r/s. I was with my exuBPDw for almost 8 years. I knew SD from 5-12 years old. She’s estranged.

That was really tough at the time because it’s like losing a child. I didn’t have contact with her. I went to court to get a court order for my kids but obviously I couldn’t do the same for her.

I have a picture on my phone of her when I took her to a carnival in town. I remember that day. It was the last day of the carnival. My ex and I were both sick with the flu and she told me I had to go.because I promised that I was going to take her.  I was feverish and it was a really hot summer day. I recall being on the tarmac and it was hot but she had fun. I just wanted to home because I was sick.

There’s a lot that happened to her after the split. She ( SD22 ) lost her daughter to child  services which telegraphs her stability. I’ve heard tidbits  from my children mostly and some from my ex wife.

I think that she my exSD23 displays BPD traits. The difference between her and my exuBPDw is that SD is low functioning while my ex wife is higher functioning. exSD23 has never had a job.

My exuBPDw got custody of her grand daughter, my exSD22’s child. My kids tonight told me that she’s living in a tent. My S14 said that she’s not allowed to come to my house because that’s what the social worker said. I said that it’s my house and it’s up to me nobody’s reached out to me.

In December exSD22 reached out to me. I told her that I would meet her in public. She had wanted a place to stay. I had heard of all of the the ongoings and  I wanted to talk to her directly in public first before I would tell her where I live. She would ask for money here and there in the last year.

Having not heard from her in almost 8 years I thought that she must be running out of options. My kids tonight also said that she had gone to her other ex step dad for her help. He said that he can’t help her and have her blankets. She supposedly showed up a second time and either he wasn’t home or didn’t answer.

There’s a part of me that wants to help her but I can’t have someone that doesn’t have the desire to work and what if she’s unstable? I work from home I can’t have drama at my house while I’m trying to work and provide for my kids. I can’t see how that would work. What is going to do hang out at my place or crash her at night time? How is she going yo baby on her feet and get a place of her own etc but she’s never worked?

It saddens me that there’s nobody in her family that’s being supportive that’s how she’s living in a tent she can’t turn to anybody. All I can is pray for her.

Has anyone experienced something similar with a child or step child with BPD traits that became homeless?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Methuen]

Has anyone experienced something similar with a child or step child with BPD traits that became homeless?

No.  But there are still options for her.

I live in a smallish community of 12000 in a rural region.  In my community there are 2 large social service agencies that offer supports with housing (homelessness), addictions, mental health and yourh programs up to age 25.  Both organizations have trauma informed and dedicated staff.   Cities have more options and services and programs.

If It were my sD, I would probably  find out what services are available where she lives.  If you decide to go ahead with meeting  her in public, a hot meal and caring could go a long way.  Any conversation she perceives as judgemental of her situation and you may never see her again.  Meet her where she is at.  During the course of the conversation, you could ask validating questions to determine how informed she is of services where she lives.  Cash gifts may bring repeat requests. Hot meals and other  forms of kindness might be appreciated. It sounds like supportive services is what she needs.

If she’s not interested, shes not ready.  But kind words and genuine acts of kindness can still mean a lot.