Struggling

[MomTime]

This is my first time posting here. It's not a easy post to write. My 21 y/o daughter was recently diagnosed with BPD (in addition to OCD, anxiety and depression ... and a possible eating disorder). She was harming herself when she was living in residence at university, so we had to move her home a month before the end of her school year, and have her finish her degree at home. She is now preparing to move back to the city where she'd gone to school- 5 hours away- where she will be working for the summer and then doing grad school. She will be living alone for the summer but she will have roommates in the Fall; her closest friends will be in the city. She has shared with me that she's very worried about her unpredictable impulsivity that has increased as we've been preparing for her move. Her doctor is concerned too. She's having her meds adjusted and she has just started with a new therapist. How can I best support my daughter? Is there anything that I should- or shouldn't- do or say, to support her on this journey? Thanks for your support and insight ...

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Momtime
Transition time is always extra stressful and your dd has many things to deal with. It is really good that she identifies an issue and you seem to have good communication between you.

You probably have this in mind already, but I wonder if a timetable of communication between you would help? Some people set up a plan in which they contact say, morning and evening at a certain time. Then you could work on a plan of dd not acting on impulse until your next contact or next day.

You could break things down further into weeks: what contact for week 1 etc. It might be a possibility that you visit half way through that period when she is on her own?

The meds adjustment might help too - hope so. That would ease your anxiety.

Have to say that with all your dd has to deal with she has done so well - and your support has probably enabled that to happen!

[MomTime]

Thank you, Sancho, for your suggestion and support. When dd has been away at school, I send her a check-in text in the morning and at bedtime, then I let her determine when she wants to talk. It's not unusual for us to talk at least once or twice - if not more - a day. Your suggestion to have a scheduled chat is a good idea and I'll talk with her about doing that.

She has also reached out for support on a BPD discourse and her peers there have suggested that she get baby locks for cupboards, to lock up items that she may use for self harm; the consensus is that if she can't access the things immediately, she will have time to use her grounding strategies to avoid harming herself.

I know how much she wants - and needs - to be back in the city with her friends, so I can only hope and pray that with the correct combination of therapy and meds, she will be ok. In the meantime, we will continue to take this one baby step at a time...