Seeking assistance with diagnosis

[superld]

Hello,

Our daughter is 15 years old and has struggled with depression for 2+ years, and things are getting even more difficult recently, with drug/alcohol experimentation and skipping school. She was on several 5150/5250 holds in the past few months. We hired a consultant to find a residential program. She has probably seen 15+ mental health professionals, and she is now rejecting therapy. We are reluctant to send her to an involuntary wilderness program.

My wife and I suspect that our daughter is suffering from BPD as she is showing a significant number of traits, including extreme anger, frequent mood swings, fear of rejection, and impulsivity.

When she was younger, we started seeing parent coaches as she had above-average outbursts. The outbursts have increased in physicality with age.

We were told that BPD could not be diagnosed before adulthood, but we read the contrary online.

We are very concerned about our daughter, whom we adore. We want to intervene, but we are worried about sending her away to a wilderness program if the root cause of her distress is BPD.

Any guidance on who to work with or any advice is very appreciated.

We are located in the San Francisco Bay Area

Sincerely.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

Hi superId,



I've seen good and bad about wilderness programs, hopefully the regulars on this board can offer more advice. I live in the same area as well. Have you looked into NAMI?

https://namica.org/locations/nami-san-francisco/

Substance abuse is an additional concern, and I'm sorry that you're dealing with that, and that she's resistant to therapy.

What are your thoughts when you say that you want to intervene?

There are no magic bullets, sadly despite what we need, but have you looked into the tools at the top of the board to help improve communication?

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=331689.0

I know it's an info dump. I've been here a while, but pick and choose myself given my relationships with my ex and my mom.  

SET is the most basic and helpful tool:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict

Tell us what you think.

[livednlearned]

Hi superld,

Dr. Blaise Aguirre is one of the leading experts on BPD in adolescence (who I believe is still at McLean's Hospital) and he writes in his book how BPD can be dx'd in adolescence. The traits my stepdaughter displays now at 25 were all present in her teens, and she was dx'd with bipolar (a dx that was recently removed). I wonder at times how her lives and ours would've been different if they dx'd her correctly when she was younger.

I recommend his book to start with, and also like When Your Daughter has BPD by Daniel Loebel because it focuses on the family system. Loving Someone with BPD by Shari Manning is also helpful and to get a close-up view of what your daughter might be experiencing, I recommend Buddha and the Borderline, which is a memoir by a woman suffering from BPD.

One of my favorite books for validation skills, which is an essential skill in any family suffering from a BPD loved one is I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better by the Lundbergs because it teaches how to ask validating questions which has been a game changer for me as it validates emotions while placing accountability on the shoulders of a teen who resists taking responsibility.

Does your D15 have siblings? How are you and your wife holding up as you navigate these challenging behaviors?