Ex blocked me and is gone now. Where to go from here?

[Deidara_12]

So my ex finally gathered all of her things from my house and then blocked me on all social media, then told our mutual friend that she blocked me and that she "understands if he talks to you about me, but I'd prefer if you guys didn't". This has been an absolute roller coaster of emotions. We've broken up before, but it only took about 3 or so weeks for us to get back together but this time it feels like she's really gone. I'm kind of shocked still a bit, it all happened rather fast. The break up, the "maybe we can try again when Im in a better place and still love you" to "I want NOTHING to do with you ever again". I joined a discord server dedicated to people with BPD and got some advice there that's helped a lot but I'm still left feeling...weird about it. So when we broke up again last month it was due to her mental health. She was telling me how hard it is for her to not self harm, or think of suicide again, I understood. I really wanted to help her, she wants therapy but never made the step for it and living with her was an awful time to be honest. Never took care of her animals, our room and it got to the point where I'd come home from work and have to clean EVERYTHING all the time. Was so overwhelming. So my big mistake was when I gave her an ultimatum. I told her if she doesn't get therapy(I told her I'd take her there and even help pay) and start taking care of her/our animals and the room, that she should move out.

That triggered her and she lost it, started crying. She told me she was homeless before and if I really loved her I wouldn't have done that. She's been hostile towards me ever since and has refused the idea of therapy, told me I was a "psycho" for giving her an ultimatum and for telling her she needs therapy and she has been deflecting everything on to me. I'm depressed by all this honestly. I do love her and want her to get better, but in the end I was tired of trying to fight for her love again. I was constantly saying "Please, I love you and want to be there for you! I'll always be there for you" and that seemed to only anger her more. So I finally agreed with her and said "Maybe you're right, we should go no contact. And maybe we're not compatible long term". I don't even believe those words, but I honestly was tired of trying to, like "prove myself" to her ya know? Everyone I talked to that has BPD/understands BPD says very similar things like "When she comes back" or "when she unblocks you" like it's almost a given. Which I find so strange because she seemly hates me now. I'd just love to hear some insight from others with experience. Either with a pwBPD or BPD themselves. I love her don't get me wrong, but I am moving on with my life. I've started casually dating again and am continuing with college and my career...I just wish she'd get help and apologize...at least eventually. Any thoughts and opinions are very much so appreciated!

[SinisterComplex]

So my ex finally gathered all of her things from my house and then blocked me on all social media, then told our mutual friend that she blocked me and that she "understands if he talks to you about me, but I'd prefer if you guys didn't". This has been an absolute roller coaster of emotions. We've broken up before, but it only took about 3 or so weeks for us to get back together but this time it feels like she's really gone. I'm kind of shocked still a bit, it all happened rather fast. The break up, the "maybe we can try again when Im in a better place and still love you" to "I want NOTHING to do with you ever again". I joined a discord server dedicated to people with BPD and got some advice there that's helped a lot but I'm still left feeling...weird about it. So when we broke up again last month it was due to her mental health. She was telling me how hard it is for her to not self harm, or think of suicide again, I understood. I really wanted to help her, she wants therapy but never made the step for it and living with her was an awful time to be honest. Never took care of her animals, our room and it got to the point where I'd come home from work and have to clean EVERYTHING all the time. Was so overwhelming. So my big mistake was when I gave her an ultimatum. I told her if she doesn't get therapy(I told her I'd take her there and even help pay) and start taking care of her/our animals and the room, that she should move out.

That triggered her and she lost it, started crying. She told me she was homeless before and if I really loved her I wouldn't have done that. She's been hostile towards me ever since and has refused the idea of therapy, told me I was a "psycho" for giving her an ultimatum and for telling her she needs therapy and she has been deflecting everything on to me. I'm depressed by all this honestly. I do love her and want her to get better, but in the end I was tired of trying to fight for her love again. I was constantly saying "Please, I love you and want to be there for you! I'll always be there for you" and that seemed to only anger her more. So I finally agreed with her and said "Maybe you're right, we should go no contact. And maybe we're not compatible long term". I don't even believe those words, but I honestly was tired of trying to, like "prove myself" to her ya know? Everyone I talked to that has BPD/understands BPD says very similar things like "When she comes back" or "when she unblocks you" like it's almost a given. Which I find so strange because she seemly hates me now. I'd just love to hear some insight from others with experience. Either with a pwBPD or BPD themselves. I love her don't get me wrong, but I am moving on with my life. I've started casually dating again and am continuing with college and my career...I just wish she'd get help and apologize...at least eventually. Any thoughts and opinions are very much so appreciated!

Well I think it would be in your best interest to continue to use this resource to help you heal and move on. We are a fam here and we will be here listening and support you to be the best YOU.

So before we move any further...I am simply going to ask you...where do you want to go? What do you want to happen? What plans and goals do you have?

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[Deidara_12]

Well I think it would be in your best interest to continue to use this resource to help you heal and move on. We are a fam here and we will be here listening and support you to be the best YOU.

So before we move any further...I am simply going to ask you...where do you want to go? What do you want to happen? What plans and goals do you have?

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

The goals I have in my life are currently to continue college and focus on my career. While I do that I'm trying to better myself. I want to go back to the gym, get my ears pierced, some tattoos I've always wanted but I do want her to apologize some day and to seek help. I'd like to try again with her, but with her in therapy at the same time. I can't control what she does, or doesn't do but I do wish for it.

[SinisterComplex]

The goals I have in my life are currently to continue college and focus on my career. While I do that I'm trying to better myself. I want to go back to the gym, get my ears pierced, some tattoos I've always wanted but I do want her to apologize some day and to seek help. I'd like to try again with her, but with her in therapy at the same time. I can't control what she does, or doesn't do but I do wish for it.

The best part here...the chapter is unwritten and unscripted so use your FREE WILL and DO YOU. You want to go back to the gym...sounds fantastic. The best tip I can provide with the gym...humble yourself and try to focus on the mind-muscle connection/contraction. This will have many benefits...it will help you mentally and emotionally heal because you will be placing your focus on something else that requires a lot of effort. Additionally, you will start to look and feel better. Win-Win.

Cheers and best wishes to you!

-SC-