Hello everyone,
I’m new here, and am just looking for support. I’m currently living with my boyfriend, who I adore. Unfortunately, our relationship has been punctuated since the beginning by many intensely difficult verbal altercations that have left me confused, devastated, and hurt. I have never had difficulty getting along with others, but for a while it seemed like every other day we were arguing about something. Sometimes the things he would say to me were so cruel, and other times he would break up with me over the smallest disagreement. I’ve felt like sometimes I just can’t seem to do or say anything right. Even something as simple as having the wrong expression on my face has caused arguments. I will say that the majority of our conflict seems to be a pervasive fear that I will find someone “better”, am talking to someone else, seeing someone else, etc. Sometimes something as simple as a grocery trip or checking an email can cause a major rift.
When things are good, they are AMAZING. I’ve never loved someone this much in my life (and I’ve been married twice). Being determined, we tried couples counseling, which helped a little. Being a psych nurse, I knew that he seemed to be struggling with something, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. He is self-aware and wanted help, and in doing so he was diagnosed as having BPD. He’s working on DBT and I’m devouring any new information that I can to be a good support person for him and navigate through this together. We’re already seeing positive change.
However, today I feel a bit alone. I don’t know anyone else going through something like this, and my peers wouldn’t understand. I love him and am dedicated to our relationship (and so is he).. Sometimes I just feel a bit overwhelmed with always feeling like the “strong” one. I have my own mental health issues too (been in therapy for years), and today I just feel worn down. Sorry for the long post. Again, I’m looking for support and to not feel so alone in this ongoing journey. Thanks to everyone reading this.
