Undiagnosed quiet bpd disappearing act

[HH1990]

I am seeing someone who has become more distant lately and who has given me the silent treatment. She has many bpd(silent) traits but is undiagnosed and is in no hurry to get help. E

The week before Mother’s Day she would get off the phone and say she would call or text me. It would never happen and when I initiated a text she would be short. I noticed she wouldn’t contact me after 8 and I decided to let her reach out to me in the morning for a change. She stopped reaching out and when I asked if everything was ok she said she was “fine” I let her know that I’m there for her and she kept it short and said she appreciated it. I gave her space for a couple days and wished her a happy Mother’s Day. She said thanks and that was it.

The next day I got an “accidental” call. I texted back and thought a few hurdles that day, things got back to normal. She explained her lack of sleep along with her daughters lack of sleep and misbehavior kept her away and that she really didn’t talk to anyone during that time.

Last Tuesday she was spiraling about some ocd inconveniences she was going through. She is living with her mom at the moment and they have been fighting. She told me about another apartment she was checking out and she would have to get a night job. Now if there’s anything I did wrong, I told her to think things through meaning, don’t make decisions based on emotion. At that point she told me she was tired of people telling her to think things through. After a few min she told me she had another call and would call me back. She never did. I texted her later to ask if she was ok. No response. I told her if she needed me I’m there. She said she was fine. I asked her when she gets to see the apartment and she told me she didn’t know. At that point I let her be and figured I’d try again in the morning.

I texted her good morning and asked how she was. She told me “same as always” and that she didn’t feel like talking today. I asked to me or in general and then told her I would leave her be. She texted me a little later to tell me she was arguing with everybody that morning and wasn’t in a good space. I once again let her know I’m there for her.

We had no contact on Thursday and I decided to reach out to her on Friday since the weekend was coming up. She was short and let me know she had her kid. I told her she was invited to a cookout which she already knew about and she told me she was going to a pool. She asked me who’s cookout, and after I told her I asked her who’s pool. She then asked what else I had for plans over the weekend and she never responded after I told her.

I haven’t been happy and it seems when I bring up getting help she ignores it or changes the subject. I don’t think I can hang around anymore unless she gets help.

In the meantime I don’t know how to handle this silence. Do I check in or do I wait to hear back from her even though it may never happen

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[khibomsis]

  HH1990 and welcome to the fam! I am sorry for what brings you here but happy that you found us.
There can be many different explanations for what happened. My suss is that this was a fishing expedition: she may have been hoping for an invite from you to move in and when that wasn't forthcoming she was not happy.

That may be too dim a view of the female of the species. What do you think happened?

All things considered I think you should give her space. Often members find it useful to engage in therapy themselves to figure out what attracts them to partners wBPD. Does them no harm and benefits us.

Take care now