Daughter gave Dad a picture of her for his birthday

[beatricex]

Does anyone else think this is strange?  They haven't spoken in 6 months, and she sends a postcard, with pictures of her and her new boyfriend and her 2 kids to her Dad (my husband) on his birthday.   

That is not a birthday gift.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Well, remember, BPD folks do think very differently.  Also, in her mind , this could have been a "thaw"- a way to low key be in touch after the silence. 

[beatricex]

Except, she has given him a picture of herself on his birthday before.  LOL

I googled it, and mostly the consensus is that this is what conceited/vain people do! 

The thing is, if we gave her a picture of us for her birthday, she'd be livid. 

A $10 Starbucks giftcard would do, it says "hey dad, I know you like coffee, have one on me."

[Sancho]

I don't really find it that strange. Lots of people I know do this - usually child to parent and especially child and grandchildren to parent.

Don't know anyone who does it the other way though - ie parent to child!

[beatricex]

Well, my husband took it as "here's a picture of me since you don't want to see me and you're a bad father."

We had a falling out because she doesn't want to be careful with COVID and my husband is being very careful. 

Her and her sister gave their Dad an ultimatum, that he must divorce me or one of them will disown him.

So, there's a bit more to it than that.

I think she's trying to say "look at how great I am and look what you're missing" (grandiosity)

Also, the other picture she gave her Dad was what I call a "sexy shot" with cleavage and pouty mouth.  Not at all appropriate for giving to your Dad.

[Sancho]

Yes it sounds as though there are lots of layers going on here.

Hope you are going okay with all this history!

[beatricex]

I am still processing all that has happened since I posted this over a year ago. 

When unraveling all the lies, all the odd behaviors, all the manipulations of an adult BPD child, it is just amazing to me that I always know when something is amiss.  I don't know exactly what is amiss, but I always know.

Like the family photo we received last year.  It's finally starting to make sense.  And no, this wasn't an innocent gesture, and I'm just now realizing the extent of the lies and what was actually going on.  Deceit, lies, manipuations, and always making me the "bad guy".  Projections.  Ugly ugly projections. 

I am only now discovering that this family photo was taken and then given to us a month before as a couple my step daughter and her boyfriend decided to drive to another state in the middle of the night, and take his 3 year old child from the only home he'd known since birth (the maternal grandparents). 

I sometimes wonder am I dealing with a sociopath.  or...Is it anti social personality disorder?  BPD'd have empathy, I see little to none of that.

This was definetly a "we are powerful" couple shot.  A "no one is stopping us!" type of message.  There's no doubt in my mind that's what this was.  A flipping off of society/thumbing your nose at authority kind of gesture?   I am literally still processing...

b

[Vincent56]

Most definitely an opening, at least that's how mine is.  But not to you.  My 33 year old hasn't spoken to me for 3 1/2 years, but she sends me Mother's Day gifts, but no birthday or Christmas.  My husband gets nothing but texts when there's a crisis.  I've set boundaries way back in 2019 and since I'm not available to drag into the hole, I'm not needed.  It's ok though.  But, getting back to your comment, she's in her own world.  It all revolves around her.  She had a reason.  It makes perfect sense to her.