My son (21) won't talk/respond to me

[So_Confused_Oz]

My son no longer lives at home and we got a call about 1.5 weeks ago saying he'd sent a concerning text and his care team were unable to get hold of him; should they call in a welfare check? We said yes, and then drove to my son's house. He answered the door to my stepson, said he was fine then shut the door.

He refused to come out and talk to anyone. In the end his care team called the police, kicked down the door and hauled him off to hospital.

We'd been there trying to encourage him to come and talk to us to avoid this escalation by the care team. He just would not listen and has refused to speak to anyone in the family since. This was not our doing, but we seem to be bearing the brunt of it as he has seen his care team since being released from hospital.

He failed to come to our annual 'birthdays lunch' - we all have birthdays around the same time - and doesn't respond to anyone. Should we just continue to reach out with kind invitations to connect, or give up/stop for now? It's painful to be rejected all the time, but I'm trying not to take it personally. Only 3 weeks ago he was at our house opening up about his condition/feelings/recognising his part in what had been going on at home... now we're dumped. :-(.

About 8 weeks ago he was changed from a depot to oral medication. I'm wondering if this is implicated in what is currently going on. He was on aripiprizole. I don't think he's taking the oral medication.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi So_confused_oz
I can understand why you are worried. If he is not taking medication then that could explain it. Even though he was changed a few weeks ago, it could take this amount of time for the previous med to reduce or be eliminated.

It is also good that there is a care team involved. Your are not carrying the responsibility on your own. Even so, it is very worrying.

If it were me, I would keep in touch. I am not sure about invitations, but just small ways of keeping in touch. I think people cut themselves off from loved ones when they are deeply depressed etc, but it can be worse for them if the loved ones stop connecting. I know most things are supposed to be reciprocal, but I don't think these conditions apply when someone has a mental illness.

Are there ways you can keep contact in a low key way? Perhaps you can spread the ways of contact with others - I notice you said you had a step son - perhaps he would keep contact in one way, you another etc.

Are you able to check with his care team about taking the medication?

I hope you will post an update to let us know how things are going.

[By Still Water]

Hello So_Confused_Oz,

My heart goes out to you. Our son, in his 40’s, also has OCD and UBPD, and has cut us off - over a year, now, and overseas. Reach-outs go unanswered, however he communicates with a sib.

Who constitutes a care team? (Asking to learn.)

Why was depot switched to oral?