Being Authentic and The Dysregulation of Disordered People

[zachira]

I am trying to sort out what it is that seems to set off many disordered people into blaming another person for how he/she feels inside. Through my research and memories, I have come to the conclusion, that disordered people get dysregulated when what is reflected back to them is not what they wanted. It can be verbal and/or non verbal responses. I remember when I was a teenager my mother pointing to a painting on the wall and asking me if I liked it. I said "no" and she got angry. She said: "You always have to be different."

[zachira]

Some more thoughts:

Being authentic and seeking healthy connections with others seems to be a repellant in attracting disordered people into my life. It does however attract the right kind of people when I allow myself to be wanted and valued.

Being authentic with my family and their social circle is like the kiss of death, as I have always been constantly under pressure to conform to the narcissistic cult of the family, go along with putting some people on a pedestal and abusing others. Can't do it. I am not that kind of person and never have been and never will be.

[Woolspinner2000]

I'm glad you're authentic, zachira. Such a great skill to possess!    I think that being real is refreshing to those who aren't disordered and threatening to those who are. It's sad that it's such a turn off to them, but if it keeps you safer, hey, more power to ya!

 
Wools

(And I don't recall if I responded to your question as to how I'm doing.) I'm doing really well.  This is my 2nd summer at my new house, and I have been working outside in my yard a lot, making it my own. Perhaps the greatest compliment was when my D33 from out of state came home to visit my place for the first time last week, and she said, "I have a home to come home to now, mom." She said she didn't want to go back to our old house because there were so many memories of the emotional abuse and control from her dad there. I was humbled and glad that she already feels like my new place is home to her.

[Turkish]

Projective Identification, projected one's disordered feelings upon the other.

When I told my mom that my 11th and 12th grade history and econ teacher was cool, I also said that sometimes he mumbled.

She responded, "that's because he's hiding something!"

*wot*?

Yet to my mom, he was a predator or something... 

[zachira]

Wools,
Glad to hear you are doing well. You are making a big difference in your children's and grandchildren's lives in that they can now come to your warm welcoming home. You are changing the family dynamics and legacy for future generations.

[zachira]

Turkish,
I am sad you don't seem to have any good memories with your mother. I have some good memories of mine and many traumatic memories of the abuse that I will always be sad about.