BPD Pregnant and Alcohol Dependency

[Kind of Alone]

Hello All,
  I have never ever did anything like this BUT I feel like I need to.  My daughter is 25 and was diagnosed with bipolar & anxiety while in high school and BPD only a year or so ago.  Her trigger is abandonment issues from her father and her relationship. After her father and I divorced and he remarried (long story). A little back story, she has a younger sister and when her dad decided to stop seeing her when she was 15 (because she could not get along with her stepmom) he continued to see her younger sister.  It was like I had 2 daughters with different dads.  Every other week she had to watch as her sister would go to visit her dad and she would stay home with me, my husband and her step sister.  I can tell you it made me feel horrible, literally sick and I know it hurt her (obviously).  Anyway it lead to the BPD and abandonment issues with bipolar and anxiety on top of all of this.

Well the other morning 5am I get a call from her, a drunk call at that.  She was mad that her sister didn't answer her phone call because she needed her at that moment.  Well low and behold she called me to "vent". She doesn't care what time it is she wants me and her sister to answer her every phone call, especially when she is DRUNK!   Well I got news that I never expected ever! I know that she is promiscuous and should not be surprised but I thought she was using birth control correct. Anyway as you can guess, she is pregnant!  Well to my surprise she had things lined up to "take care of it".  She was scared to death that I would be mad because I'm pretty pro-life or I was until I was faced with her having a child.  I know that it would be me raising this child and I'm not ready or willing to put my life on hold! I'm still raising her! So I agreed to help out. Also the guy ghosted her after he told her he told her he would help (another one left her).  This is not about a pro choice or life conversation.  My choice that this moment was one for my daughter, she can not mentally handle a child!

I have not shed a bit of emotion yet, I think after all of the years of dealing with DWI's, dropping out of college, moving to New York for 6 months, ALL of the drunk nights, and the last two are the most current, the 2 times she had the police called on her by guys that she would not leave alone.  Going to their house and causing a scene of course while DRUNK.

She has a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol, very well could be on the verge of alcoholic.

I just want her to be able to live a life that she can "handle" and I just don't think a child should be in that picture. Because as all of you know when they are "handling" life they are barley getting by.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[love never fails]

I am pro-life and against abortion except in rare circumstances and I think this is one of those rare circumstances.  It sounds like you are a loving mom and have done everything you can for her.  You are right, trying to make it through a pregnancy with hormone changes and then trying to raise a child would truly cause her severe emotional distress that would be too much for her to handle on top of everything else.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Kind of Alone]

Love never fails - Thank  you so much for this response! I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this. My husband and her sister knows but after the initial conversation my husband is silent and her sister tells me we are doing the right thing (she and my views both changed due to this situation).  And her request for me while helping is not to lecture her so her and I have not really talked about it.  The only thing I could ask without her getting upset, at that 5am conversation, I asked are you sure you can't carry it and give it up for adoption? She said mom I can't go through this I mentally can't.  Then I said ok, I won't lecture and I will be here.

BUT then I did tell her that she HAD to get her life (PLEASE READ) together, now I know that is a ask that may or may not happen but I had to say it. 

[Sancho]

Hi there Kindofalone
You are doing so well supporting your daughter. The situations we find ourselves in with our bpd children are so difficult, and I don't think anyone who hasn't had this experience can fully appreciate just how difficult and painful it is.

Coming here is great because it is the one place I don't feel alone on my bpd journey. I hope you feel the same support here and are able to care for yourself while supporting your children.