My 23 Year Old Son has a possible BPD Diagnosis

[Hazel58]

My 23 year old son attempted suicide by overdosing on his depression medication about 18 months ago.  He had depression issues in the past but was doing great at college until Covid and when classes were online.  He ended up spending a week in a voluntary behavioral hospital and was given meds.  After that he has been doing telehealth with a Psychiatrist and Therapist the last 18 months.  This past spring quarter he returned to campus and started vaping large amounts of cannabis and pretty much stopped taking his meds.  Early in June, last month he came home from school and was extremely moody and had insomnia.  He also just flipped out one day and punched holes in our walls and stated how much he hated us.  Exact opposite of his usual depression where he was more weepy.  He left the house one evening and sent us a text message stating he was ending his life, told us we never loved him and would let us know where to find his body the next morning.  Pretty horrible.  I won't go into all the history but we went up weekly to see him at school and tried to be really supportive even after he only finished one class.  Well, we had to call the police when he was missing on this particular evening since he had said he was going to kill himself.  The police found him close to our house with a knife and he was again hospitalized for a week this time not voluntarily.  He came home about a month ago and started a partial inpatient program where I dropped him from 9 to 3 daily.  Awesome program for the 2 weeks he went.  The psychiatrist changed some of his meds and said possible BPD and that it would take about a month to see if the the new meds would help.  Unfortunately my son disliked the groups that met for DBT and other therapy and had himself discharged.  He threatened to smash my car windows if I pursued making him continue to go.  Meanwhile, he is continuing to take his meds that I manage, he is seeing a therapist via telehealth and will start with a new psychiatrist next week via telehealth who will hopefully help further with a diagnosis. My son did give up the cannabis but pretty much stays in his room 24/7 playing video games and does come out to eat.  I should add he has 2 classes left to graduate and talks about going back in the fall but that's the least of our worries.  He really has gotten more difficult to talk to.  Previously he was hardworking, honor student and athletic.  I don't really know what else I can do.  We are older parents and he has another year of good health insurance before my husband retires.  My son has mentioned trying TMS but I don't know if that will even help with this illness.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[By Still Water]

Hello and welcome, Hazel58,
      I’m at a loss for any advice, however I can tell you we’ve been through the same accusations, holes in the wall, rages. His symptoms began showing in childhood; he’s past his 30’s and has gone no contact with us. Simply because of whom we voted for, and for our faith in Christ, he has said we are terrible people. I know how much this hurts, Hazel, when we’ve given so much to take care of them, when we’ve even walked on eggshells.  Now, better understanding this illness, I hurt for him, not by him. The resourceful info here is helpful. “I didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it.”  I’ve learned not to JADE; it fuels their rage. Hope you’ll stick with us. Many hearts lighten the burden.

[Lovingmum]

Sorry no advice here but wanted to say we are in the same boat, We are really struggling with constant self harm and over doses. Seems worse since being under mental health care.
O/d last wed we said he couldn’t come home until further intervention.
He was kept a week on an a and e observation ward. Then sent out he was picked up by police and sent to MH hospital assessed and sent home.
Now we have him back and trying to set boundaries which he is rejecting and I guarantee the cycle of self harm, up all night on x box and sleep all day will occur. Hygiene appalling, doesn’t brush teeth.
I can’t cope with living with him but can’t face what will become of him if we say he needs to leave.
Sadly like your son he was working for 2 years and doing well but apparently he was suppressing all the childhood trauma so now he’s letting it out he can’t cope with life.
I’m so thankful my husband and I have the Lord and I know ultimately he is in control.