Feeling tired . Staying strong and thanks x

[Parents! Get help here!]

My 27 year old daughter was diagnosed with bpd 6 years ago . I hadn’t even heard of it then , but have spent hours reading up on it , thankful of the internet and to have access to material from many countries . In those early stages of my reading I I stumbled across an article called A mothers odyssey -from grief to advocacy which I printed out and kept as it was clearly written by someone with experience and honest insight. Years later I read a book which helped me so much at the time and realised that the author of this book was the person who had written the article . Tonight, finding snd reading  a message on here for mothers on Mother’s Day by the same person has once again helped me and had led to me registering to post in here . The author of these is Valerie Porr and I thank her .
 Finding strength to cope on a daily basis with my daughter is beyond tough .She doesn’t live at home as I had to ask her to leave six years ago when she was being violent and aggressive and controlling of me and accused my partner of  hitting her when he actually stood between her and me , then restrained her best he could when she was preventing me from  going to bed one night . He did not hit her , (she still believes he did ) He had to be questioned by the police as she reported that he had . Six  years have passed , with some months of hope   Many more of  sheer worry . We have managed  to stay in her life and have created times to enjoy with her over these six years too  , which seem to hold little value to her at the moment .     I miss her so very much , the constant messages and phone calls from her which are blaming and incredibly hurtful have increased recently and her threats towards me are now including threats to kill me . The police are  aware and have been reassuring in their rapid response when she arrives threatening violence . The mental health team have discharged her as she is not engaging in any therapy and doesn’t agree with her diagnosis . She has been further disabled and has suffered iatrogenic harm by services in my opinion , a view shared by them , resulting in their plan for her to regain some independence  out of supported living accomodation ( flowing many conflicts with generally well meaning but very  inexperienced and inconsistent  support workers ) and in the current torment. She has been spending time on tik tok and websites on which many people share bad experiences of services and in her words she is now standing up to all the bullies who are not understanding of people with disabilities and who are in her mind driving people to suicide therefore are murderers who deserve punishment. She is clearly in so much pain, and accuses me of provoking her deliberately in order that she behaves aggressively which then causes people to blame her which she says is what I want . Her new friends on social media have told her this is what people like me do  . This is so very far from the truth . Her rage is frightening , she screams and smashes up the environment around her yet when she is not in rage she is so vulnerable, kind and thoughtful . In rage she shows no empathy . She must be exhausted . Tonight I’m tired , but writing this small amount has helped .

[EllaRose68]

My 27 year old daughter was diagnosed with bpd 6 years ago . I hadn’t even heard of it then , but have spent hours reading up on it , thankful of the internet and to have access to material from many countries . In those early stages of my reading I I stumbled across an article called A mothers odyssey -from grief to advocacy which I printed out and kept as it was clearly written by someone with experience and honest insight. Years later I read a book which helped me so much at the time and realised that the author of this book was the person who had written the article . Tonight, finding snd reading  a message on here for mothers on Mother’s Day by the same person has once again helped me and had led to me registering to post in here . The author of these is Valerie Porr and I thank her .
 Finding strength to cope on a daily basis with my daughter is beyond tough .She doesn’t live at home as I had to ask her to leave six years ago when she was being violent and aggressive and controlling of me and accused my partner of  hitting her when he actually stood between her and me , then restrained her best he could when she was preventing me from  going to bed one night . He did not hit her , (she still believes he did ) He had to be questioned by the police as she reported that he had . Six  years have passed , with some months of hope   Many more of  sheer worry . We have managed  to stay in her life and have created times to enjoy with her over these six years too  , which seem to hold little value to her at the moment .     I miss her so very much , the constant messages and phone calls from her which are blaming and incredibly hurtful have increased recently and her threats towards me are now including threats to kill me . The police are  aware and have been reassuring in their rapid response when she arrives threatening violence . The mental health team have discharged her as she is not engaging in any therapy and doesn’t agree with her diagnosis . She has been further disabled and has suffered iatrogenic harm by services in my opinion , a view shared by them , resulting in their plan for her to regain some independence  out of supported living accomodation ( flowing many conflicts with generally well meaning but very  inexperienced and inconsistent  support workers ) and in the current torment. She has been spending time on tik tok and websites on which many people share bad experiences of services and in her words she is now standing up to all the bullies who are not understanding of people with disabilities and who are in her mind driving people to suicide therefore are murderers who deserve punishment. She is clearly in so much pain, and accuses me of provoking her deliberately in order that she behaves aggressively which then causes people to blame her which she says is what I want . Her new friends on social media have told her this is what people like me do  . This is so very far from the truth . Her rage is frightening , she screams and smashes up the environment around her yet when she is not in rage she is so vulnerable, kind and thoughtful . In rage she shows no empathy . She must be exhausted . Tonight I’m tired , but writing this small amount has helped .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[By Still Water]

Hello and welcome, EllaRose68. Have you been able to receive any supportive counselling for yourselves, lately? I will look up the article you mentioned; it sounds helpful.

[Confusion8]

As a fellow sufferer, I can only try to explain the complete sense of hatred you have for yourself on a daily basis and the sense of abandonment.

I can’t say for sure of course but the idea of your partner could have caused the complete panic and violent outbursts of I am being abandoned. It’s extreme to imagine for someone not suffering but people work BPD experience emotions much not extreme then the average person.

I know It may be tough but reinforcing that I love you and care for you and I understand what you are feeling goes a long way. You will never be replaced by anyone and i love you the same as always kind of thing will mean the world. If your daughter is like me she is feeling like she needs to push you away first with violent outbursts before you push her away.

Just a comment from a random sufferer. Wishing you and your family all the best 

[Confusion8]

Sorry a few typos.. people with BPD much more extreme then the average person

[EllaRose68]

Thank you for replying and for your honesty . I really do try to reassure her of my love at every opportunity and will continue to . My partner and I have been together for thirteen years now . I hope she can have some better days soon and that we can enjoy some time together again . I wish you well too .