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Author Topic: New to Forum: Adult daughter with BPD  (Read 391 times)
Artsy Mom

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Adult child not at home
Posts: 6

« on: September 03, 2022, 01:33:49 PM »

I have a 29 year old daughter who is married. Her childhood was complicated with much trauma and some illness, and she started early with therapy and a psychiatrist for what they diagnosed as Anxiety, ADHD (Although never treated for it), and around age12 Bipolar. She was in therapy, on every kind of med, homeschooled often, did earn her GED. She has worked off/on her adult life. Not all her - we did the best we could with what we knew and where we were at in our own journey. She will not discuss her physical/mental health issues, but recently said she was diagnosed with BPD. We have read several books and reseached online trying to find what that means and how to be supportive to her. She seems to have much shame and at times denial. She and her husband live in a van, little income, she says they are doing the best they can. I do not know that she is getting treatment - if I ask casually or encourage about therapy available, she either does not text back or says she doesn't want me to ask about it. We have tried to get her help, my husband and I both have gone to therapy and we are worn out from the struggles through the years. Any comments on how you deal with seeing your loved one struggling so much?
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 1114

The surest way to fail is to never try.

« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2022, 08:02:55 PM »

Hi A.M.

My daughter has also been diagnosed Bi-Polar - won't take her meds. Hasn't spoken to me in over a year because I cut her cell phone after two years of trying to get her to bring her bills under control.

This must be, to my mind at least, one of the most difficult thing a person can go through - to worry about a child.

Every one is different. I have become rather numb to be honest and am concerned that things will never really be right.

This place has been a big support - it does change the challenges but it does reduce the suffering.

Hang in there. Reach out any time.


Artsy Mom

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Adult child not at home
Posts: 6

« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2022, 08:31:59 PM »

Hi Rev,

Thanks for your reply. This is so very hard. Kind of a chronic hopelessness or grief. I wish I was at the numb stage - it might be easier. I have to remind myself that I don't have control nor the cure. As a mother, I have a fierce love for her and know that she herself is hurting. She does not communicate regularly - and often does not respond to texts or calls. That is the hardest part - she did not talk with me for 9 months last year by her choice and during that time had some therapy. And we had good discussions after that. But at times I just feel used - there always seems to be something she wants from me when she comes around. Manipulation! Learning to set boundaries and at times I wish I just had the strength to give myself space from her. One of the hardest things is that I feel like I can't be truthful with her - that it is all about validating her - she never lets us get past that part of the equation - she doesn't want to talk about solutions, ideas, she knows everything!  UGGHHH.
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