Do I have narcissism or Aspergers probably?

[WilliamPretzel]

Can anyone help me determine if I have Aspergers or narcissism? My friends sometimes have this debate and are split all the time. They say I have Aspergers because I am very honest and I talk about fringe topics while laughing and showing no emotion. Fringe topics include topics like crime and murder. They think that I am pretty open to talk about my life and generally dont lie to them so I have to have Aspergers syndrome. They also say I am a little quirky but not too much. At the same time, they say I can still maintain eye contact and can have a good conversation with people if I am interested and in proper mood.

Let me tell you a little more about myself. I was born in the 1990s. When I was young, I liked to get attention from people in school saying things like "oh I eat glue" when I didnt actual glue. I used to get in fights with people. The only thing stopping me was criminal or disciplinary actions but I had a decent chunk of minor disciplinary action for strangling kid that pissed me off in school and mouthing off to teachers. I once got upset at a girl in school that made fun of me somehow so I hunted her down and threw vinegar in face as kid and I also threw paint at the door of her house. That incident got unpunished. I tried to throw a cat out of the window from the apartment complex.

One time I was friendly fighting a friend and broke his head and he had to go to the ER and made me feel upset for a little cause I never meant to break his head. My grandfather wrote my parents a letter when I was young saying that I was undisicplined, an a-hole, and had a violent view toward any animals.  The teachers at school told my parents I may have ADHD but never suggested autism spectrum or narcissism or anything else.

My parents would get very mad at me over slights as I was growing up. For instance, if I accidentely spilled water on the floor, my mom would start yelling for a long time and if I got a B- on a test, my dad would get very mad.

I could be a literal person but I was literal a lot of times to get away from emotional topics or to show people how much I know about a topic.  Some people called me a good conversationist.

Growing up, I was also a love/hate character. I could network with a lot of people but didnt get very close with most/all people only a few. I always wanted to act out and be different. I liked negative attention and I also liked to beat the system. I would learn how to pass classes without being in class by taking tests. I began to hack everyone's computer and was actually fairly good at it. People characterized me as fairly smart. Some people however saw me as purposefully annoying. I had a habit of torturing cats but wouldnt seriously hurt the cats.

I liked to experiment with very hard and dangerous drugs and tell people "guess what I have experimented with high dose IV cocaine", often intentionally shocking people who werent as reckless. I would drive cars at 150 miles per hour and engage in other thrills. I would also do unusual things like tell girls I would kill myself or call their parents to tell dirt on them if they didnt date me.

I knew a lot about topics like military history, foreign countries, drugs, law, science, and other topics to a great extent and could learn a lot about various topics. I always knew a lot about some topics but people also saw me as fairly ecletic. When I used to party too hard, people said I obsess over drugs sometimes and people said I get obsessed over issues like respect and victory. I always need to win contests and win medals and tell people about how I won and how I am better.

I ended up dating several women but all of them for some reason had similar or related issues like dissociative identity and borderline personality disorder. I do not know if this is coincidental.

In middle school, I made troll videos where I would harass stores with friends and film it and also blow things up and set things on fire. We would hand out these videos to people at the school.

I used to have empathy while growing up but I always had selective empathy. There were people who I had a lot of empathy for like people who were unfairly treated by police and I had 0 empathy for other people who I wanted destroyed like people didnt say good things about me (a lot of times people didnt say good things about me cause I was a class clown sort of).

Most recently, my friends asked me questions about my life to determine if I have Aspergers and Narcissism and couldnt figure out. Some people told me "you must have Aspergers syndrome. You seem to do weird things socially like purposefully try to make people uncomfortable for your entertainment and you are brutally honest if you had narcissism you wouldnt be as honest and wouldnt say things like 'I used to hack computers' you would keep it secret. also you are one of the most intelligent people i know and intelligent people have Aspergers. you also have very good manipulation skills and can read people well but you dont have the best people skills. you are not patient with people and dont care much for many peoples' problems" Other people say "no its narcissism and you can be honest and have other liimited characteristics of Aspergers and not be diagnosed with Aspergers". It is true that I am generally honest but I do not think that me saying things like me hacking computers is a bad thing or will get me in trouble. It happened a long time ago and I think it actually shows that I can beat the system. I actually think that there are more criminal or more severe things I have done before that I wouldnt announce to even my friends and I think the stuff that I do mention is cool. I also like the company and the attenton of mentioning these things. I enjoy saying triggering things to some people (but not all people in all situations) cause I find it entertaining. I cannot be by myself adn always need consistent social interaction. I also sometimes do lie. For instance, I create elaborate stories to my parents and family sometime. However, I prefer not to lie unless there is a great benefit to it. I would rather be 99% honest and lie 1% of the time about something big.

Based on this, am I more likely to have Aspergers syndrome or narcissism?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hi WilliamPretzel, nice to meet you.

The questions you're asking about yourself are good ones. Everyone here is on a journey of trying to be healthier and cope with themselves -- in addition to relational stressors.

This site is for family members and relationship partners of BPD sufferers. This is where we learn to support our loved ones, and where we learn to take care of ourselves. Because of this, we do not have the resources to help individuals with PDs or autism spectrum challenges, whether diagnosed or undiagnosed. That being said, I encourage you to check out a few other sites that will likely be a better fit for you as an individual.

you can try the NAMI site and click on the "your journey" link: https://www.nami.org/Home

and there's also the Psychology Today site: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us (you can try the "Get Help" link)

Either or both of those groups will likely be more tailored to your needs and experiences.

We wish you all the best as you find the right fit for you.

Sincerely;

kells76 & the team