working on not JADEing

[FaithHopeLove]

 Our DS28wbpd and drug addiction is involuntarily admitted to a local psych.hospital.  His phone calls home are a horror.  He is full of anger and blame  toward us. We are working on not JADEing (judging, arguing, defending,  explaining). The phrases " I am not going to argue with you. " and " I don't want to talk about that." are helping us to stay sane.  With DS safe in the hospital DH and I are using this time to rest. DS will be offered a dual diagnosis program.  If he accepts we will welcome him home. If not he will be on his own. We do not need to JADE our well considered choice. enough is enough.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[I Am Redeemed]

Good to hear from you, Faith. I've often wondered how you were doing.

It sounds like you and your husband are united in what you need to do to take care of yourselves in this situation. As tough as it is, your son's choices are his to make. I certainly hope he accepts the help as offered.

How do you think you will handle it if he doesn't? What will you and your husband do to continue caring for yourselves going forward?

[FaithHopeLove]

hello Redeemed. I am happy to see you again too!
  You ask a good question. The truth is, even if our son says he will accept help living with us is probably not the best idea at this point. Hopefully the hospital social worker will be able to find another placement for him. It breaks my heart to admit that but it is the truth.

[I Am Redeemed]

It's okay to recognize your limits.

The program, if it treats dually diagnosed individuals, may have "stepped down" residential housing (such as a three-quarter house, halfway house, sober independent living) or the social worker may know of some outside facilities that offer that. They should be working on that as part of the discharge plan when it comes time.

Is it an inpatient or outpatient program?

[GaGrl]

Faith, I've wondered how you were doing!

This sounds as if it is giving you space and time to breathe. What are you doing for self care?

[FaithHopeLove]

hi gg!  so good to see you again! to answer your very important question about self care, I actually do lots of it. First and foremost, as an addict in recovery I stay sober. Also I practice mindfulness meditation which may just be a fancy way of saying that I breathe but such a simple thing really helps me to stay centered. In addition I pray a lot both individually and with my super supportive church. I remember not to stop doing the things that make me me. This includes my physical and occupational therapy that helps me with my body following many health challenges.  I also do lots of preaching and teaching Bible and theology and social justice via ZOOM in the US and in the seminaries with which I am still on staff in Burma and Liberia.  Strangely enough I find having a broken heart makes my relationship with God much deeper and my teaching more helpful to others. 

[GaGrl]

I think the vulnerability felt during heartbreak makes us open to spiritual growth.

Breathing through my stress is critical for me. My body holds so much of my anxiety in my respiratory system.

You sound strong.

[I Am Redeemed]

You have a great self care plan. I do the mindfulness meditation thing, too, and deep breathing. Like GG, I carry a lot of anxiety in the way I breathe (or don't... I catch myself taking short breaths or even holding my breath sometimes).

I also tend to scrunch my shoulders tightly. I've been thinking of looking into restorative yoga.

[Swimmy55]

Hi Faith!  Good to see you on the board again! 
Yep, it looks like you are handling your son's situation as best as humanly possible.  I am so glad you are doing a lot with your self care!