My Mother has BPD

[CatFanatic]

Hey. So, I guess I've just started realizing in these last few years that I might benefit from talking to some other people who struggle with loved one's with these issues. It's very isolating and hard to talk about. I love her very much but I feel like I'm constantly getting hurt in our relationship, "walking on eggshells" as it were.
I'm 22 and my mother has had BPD for as long as I've been alive.

[Imatter33]

Catfanatic,

Well can I be the first to extend a welcome. Glad you are here and you are not alone.
Did the book Stop Walking on Eggshells, lead you here? It's a first step for many.
I recall the validation in reading a book expressly made for loved ones of a person with possible BPD or diagnosed BPD.
and this forum is a safe place to talk with others that get it.

I love her very much but I feel like I'm constantly getting hurt in our relationship, "walking on eggshells" as it were.
I'm 22 and my mother has had BPD for as long as I've been alive.

We also understand the complexities of loving our pwbpd so much but needing special support to deal with them 

Feel free to share more. I don't often post but i've been coming back to the forum more lately. Many here will help!

[CatFanatic]

Thank you. If I'm honest, this whole place is kind of intimidating. I've gone so long in my life without knowing there were so many people who struggled with the same thing. I've always been a little scared that I was the problem in the relationship. It's cool to know that other people deal with the same things.

And no, unfortunately, I have not. I think I should find a copy. My mother's illness's on top of her BPD started getting really bad when we were younger and I guess everyone forgot that the kids would benefit from therapy and help to deal with everything as well so I haven't had support for most of my life.

I only started going to therapy in highschool when I started to get intensely self-destructive.
I'm doing much better tho.

[Riv3rW0lf]

Hi CatFanatic !

Welcome to the board ! I think you will find we are a relaxed bunch here... I have yet to come accross anyone "disagreeable". This forum, and the wonderful people on it, have been such a great help through my healing journey, and we will support you through yours too, anytime you require validation, feel confused or just want to vent.

A child is never the problem... Having mine is what made me realized everything that was wrong in my own relationship with BPD mother. Before that, like you, I was led to believe I was the only problem... Too uptight, too rational, too rigid, self-righteous, not empathetic enough... I am none of those things she led mye to believe I was. I know that now, but it took a lot of healing and of work on my self-awareness, and lots of validation. I still tend to gaslight myself, it was ingrained in me from such a young age.

She painted herself as perfect victim... But how could I have been her abuser when I was 6yo? I never deserved all this rage she couldnt control, all this rage she unleashed on me... And you didn't deserve it either. Thankfully, I am not a victim anymore. As an adult, I can now stand up for myself.

Do you currently live with your mother?

[cle216]

Welcome CatFanatic! 

My mother is also the person in my life with BPD.

If reading or learning more about the topic is helpful for you, I found the book Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson to be helpful in verbalizing my experiences and knowing I'm not alone. I listened to the audiobook version from the library app during my work commutes. If you decide to check it out I'd be curious to hear what your experience listening was. My sister had to stop listening to it at the beginning because it was so relatable that it was upsetting. For me, it was helpful...like verbalizing it released the emotion for me.