Coping with PTSD / Update

[yellowbutterfly]

hi everyone,

For the most part, I've been doing really well lately. I took time to travel, and reflect. I'm feeling more and more like myself each day. I was able to see friends, family, and even went on a few dates. I've been keeping up with therapy, meditating, yoga/pilates/stretching, started writing, and doing lots of reading to heal.

However, I've been experiencing horrible dreams and then twice now I've had a PTSD episode in a certain travel situation that mimicked the experience with my stbxH uBPD. An incident during our relationship occurred exiting a train and on the platform to the station. He treated me like a hostage and I was terrified he might push me on the tracks.  He kept nudging me in the back, telling me to walk in front of him like "a good girl". It was frightening. When I'd try to put people between us, he'd circle back and do it again.

So, two times now, I've traveled by train and returned to the station in our town and had what I am certain is a PTSD attack. I felt shakey physically, thought I was going to faint, trembled, my heart racing, scary thoughts looking around for him. The first time it wasn't as bad and I was able to control a lot of it with breathing and grounding (thanks to some great books I've been reading). Today, it was AWFUL. I am still trembling hours later.

Not sure what I'm expecting to hear from others with this post, mostly, I'm just scared. I know rationally what's happening to me is a flashback episode that manifests in the brain/body but at the same time, it FEELS like it's real and happening all over again. The feeling is hard to dispel right now...

[Cat Familiar]

That’s a powerful message to you from your inner wisdom. He is not a safe person for you.

[yellowbutterfly]

No, he's not a safe person. I'm so thankful I'm near the end of the divorce process!

Plus, I've learned so much from my relationship with him and realized just how strong and resilient I am.

[Cat Familiar]

I've learned so much from my relationship with him and realized just how strong and resilient I am.

 

[SinisterComplex]

No, he's not a safe person. I'm so thankful I'm near the end of the divorce process!

Plus, I've learned so much from my relationship with him and realized just how strong and resilient I am.

Sometimes you have to go through hardship to learn the truth about yourself. Does it suck going through hard times...of course. However, on the flip side it makes you stronger and better. This is why I preach never backing down from confrontation and conflict. They are necessary evils to help make us grow and become better versions of ourselves.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-