How to deal with a BPD co-worker in love

[VMAN]

There’s a married female co-worker at work. It’s been nearly six years and I’ve finally figured out that she probably has high functioning BPD. I’ve ignored her since the start since there was something odd about her behaviour towards me. She reported me to HR once cuz I directly rejected her, luckily I dodged the bullet.

We have a hybrid workplace now and I hardly see her.  I know she stalks me online  from time to time. She still behaves as though we have a romantic relationship, even though I ignore her presence.

Initially I was tempted, but the more I read the more I realised this woman is a black hole. So I don’t think I have to do anything but I don’t understand why she hasn’t accepted that I don’t want her. Nothing serious has happened apart from the HR incident. Opinions?

[imstillhere89]

Hi VMAN!

I think she might be not only pwBPD but NPD as well. Or at least having narcistic traits. As far as I have heard it is quite characteristic for npd to chase people that don't want to have anything to do with them. You know..the trophy...I might be wrong but this was my first thought.

[Turkish]

She still behaves as though we have a romantic relationship, even though I ignore her presence.

How does she behave like this?

[VMAN]

Non-verbal stuff. Eye contact, body language, smiling, facial expressions, staring, lighting up like a christmas tree. I have to avoid eye contact just to stop triggering her into doing weird stuff like kicking my legs hard under the table. She’s bad at verbal stuff only around me while being charismatic with others.

Never apologised but acts guilty and then smiles as if I’ve overlooked it. I dunno about npd, but she sits in her office alone and is on the verge of crying quite often.

[Turkish]

The leg kicking is definitely flirtatious and a sexual signal in some quarters. It seems obvious to say and you already know this, but stay as far away as possible. Maybe Mike Pence rules: never be alone with her.

I once worked with a likely BPD woman, and we were friends for a while. Every one at work knew that she was an angry person in general. I rejected her, which she was unable to understand, but I then transferred to another state, so no fallout. She was really unable to understand why I didn't want to have sex with her in her boyfriend's house at the time where she had driven him out of his own home after being angry and violent.

[VMAN]

Yeah no contact is the only option.

[Curiousgeorge]

Yeah no contact is the only option.

Is it? How do you know that she has bpd? You’re not a psychologist right?

Why don’t you just chat to ease the tension? Women usually don’t go crazy or vindictive until sex is involved. Let her praise you, what’s the problem?

[SinisterComplex]

Yeah no contact is the only option.

My friend practice the art of not giving a S . Not your responsibility to deal with. Be cordial, but essentially just be firm and indifferent and just Do YOU.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-