Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 23, 2023, 04:07:44 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Once Removed, I Am RedeemedTurkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, Kells76, Mutt, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: struggling  (Read 233 times)
yellowbutterfly
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: divorcing
Posts: 146



« on: January 19, 2023, 11:28:40 AM »

I am having such a hard time getting work done or concentrating. I'm really struggling to be productive post all that happened to me with my stbx H uBPD. It's likely PTSD settling in per my T but any tips on how to over come this or just commiseration would be appreciated.

Logged
kells76
Senior Ambassador
*
Online Online

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 2361



« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2023, 02:50:05 PM »

Hi yellowbutterfly;

I also hop on here when I'm at work, if something unsettling has happened with the kids or their mom or stepdad. Sometimes posting about it helps me let go of the rumination; I can tell myself -- now that I've got it written out, I'll wait to see what others think. That gives me comfort, like I'm not alone, and sometimes that helps me go back and focus (kind of like "well, it's another member's problem now, to come up with an answer, so I can relax for a bit" -- not exactly true, but a way to frame it).

Does your work involve a lot of focused thinking and attention? Are there tasks or stretches of "mindless" work? Mine is a mix; sometimes I have to be "on" and very detail oriented; other times is just "sign a stack of papers mindlessly". Sometimes I'll do the "mindless" stuff if I'm feeling overwhelmed.

What would you say your attention span is for a work task right now? If you "made a rule" for yourself of doing 20 minutes of work, and then you were "allowed" to goof off for 10 minutes, or ruminate for 10 minutes, or stress about your ex for 10 minutes, do you think you could "trick" yourself into following the rule?

Does your boss/manager/supervisor know what has been going on in your life? I have been able to share a little with my team -- just that the kids have been going through a lot of stress at their mom's house -- and they were very understanding.

Anyway, glad you are able to post here during the day. I know what it's like to be so, so distracted at work, by anxiety.

Looking forward to hearing back from you, whenever works;

kells76
Logged

Couscous
*******
Online Online

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1017


« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2023, 06:24:50 PM »

You just have to hang in there and take it one day at a time. One resource that I have found really helpful is Rhonda Freeman: https://neuroinstincts.com/

She recommends doing executive function brain games and names one in this podcast that I can't remember at the moment: https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/258/

Edit: The name of the game was in the show notes: https://www.crazygames.com/game/diner-dash
Logged
SinisterComplex
Senior Ambassador
*
Online Online

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken Up
Posts: 948



« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2023, 06:40:43 PM »

I am having such a hard time getting work done or concentrating. I'm really struggling to be productive post all that happened to me with my stbx H uBPD. It's likely PTSD settling in per my T but any tips on how to over come this or just commiseration would be appreciated.



So try to find something that you are passionate about, but maybe put any effort into or gave any real thought to. Make it a hobby. Or just find something that you have not done but are curious about. The more unique and novel to you it is the better off you will be. Why? Your focus will be placed on something else and indirectly it help you overcome anxiety, pain, etc and get your focus back on track. The mind is a powerful tool and your mind will do whatever you will it to do.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-
Logged

Through Adversity There is Redemption!
Outdorenthusiast
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married - uBPDw
Posts: 79


The road is narrow…


« Reply #4 on: January 19, 2023, 09:31:52 PM »

I am having such a hard time getting work done or concentrating. I'm really struggling to be productive post all that happened to me with my stbx H uBPD. It's likely PTSD settling in per my T but any tips on how to over come this or just commiseration would be appreciated.



I feel you.  PTSD is real and lack of stability, safety, or clarity can all cause that feeling of distraction and mind wandering.  It is your brain telling you that something isn’t right and needs to be figured out.  It is very normal and has happened to me too.  I plowed myself into learning, and self help, and a hundred other things until I could focus better.  However I agree it was not good at work and bad when you need to focus.  So - I made a rule to only ruminate during planned breaks.  My brain needed it, but I needed to put more within a reasonable time.  Breaks starting shorter together, and eventually more spaced apart.  It helped.
Logged
yellowbutterfly
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: divorcing
Posts: 146



« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2023, 07:48:57 PM »

Thank you everyone, I will respond more when I can put energy toward work subjects
Logged
NarcsEverywhere
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Living Together
Posts: 161


« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2023, 09:26:25 PM »

I've been struggling to function myself, it's really hard, watching your life not be the way you want it to be, having to lower and lower your standards, just to get relief. Today I had a huge breakthrough, I told myself "I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, I accept you 100%, all the flaws and mistakes, and everything, and I hope you feel better". This led to about 6 hours of me ranting to myself, vocally, and so much anger, and frustration came out.

I guess what I'm saying is, it sucks that you're struggling, I'm sorry, it's really hard sometimes. Life sucks sometimes, we're not at our best sometimes, and it's okay to be miserable, it's okay to be upset, it's okay to struggle to function. But be kind and gentle with yourself, as often as possible, when you're like that, and it will get better.

Hope you feel better.

Logged
yellowbutterfly
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: divorcing
Posts: 146



« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2023, 03:46:53 PM »

Does your work involve a lot of focused thinking and attention? Are there tasks or stretches of "mindless" work? Mine is a mix; sometimes I have to be "on" and very detail oriented; other times is just "sign a stack of papers mindlessly". Sometimes I'll do the "mindless" stuff if I'm feeling overwhelmed.

What would you say your attention span is for a work task right now? If you "made a rule" for yourself of doing 20 minutes of work, and then you were "allowed" to goof off for 10 minutes, or ruminate for 10 minutes, or stress about your ex for 10 minutes, do you think you could "trick" yourself into following the rule?

Does your boss/manager/supervisor know what has been going on in your life? I have been able to share a little with my team -- just that the kids have been going through a lot of stress at their mom's house -- and they were very understanding.

The most difficult part but also a weird gift in it all is that I'm self-employed. It makes being able to take a break easy but also a struggle. If I can't work, I don't make money and I'm the only one supporting myself. I've lost clients in the process as I can't deliver. I'm upset with myself and struggle with the anxiety that I can't focus. Though, I understand to give myself breaks.

Today is particularly hard. I feel like at times my brain is broken and I'm just disappointing everyone left/right.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2022?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2022 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
Goldcrest
Lemon Squeezy
Mommydoc
SamwizeGamgee
Skip



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!