A bit of Hope for others out there

[Tired_Dad]

Sitting here getting my taxes together and reflecting on the past few years. Divorce in itself was not the answer, but divorce with strong boundaries has been amazing and my mental health and that of my son (15) is clearly in a better place.

Things I learned and want to share.
- JADE is a real and effective. Understand how to avoid the traps and cut the ties and it will free you!
- Know your finances, don't worry about theirs. This might suck as it goes against the instinct to rescue...but that is the whole point. We get trapped when we rescue those that manipulate us.
- Find out who YOU are again. Define yourself by your needs, not what others what from you.
- Be wary of the recycle attempt...and the many extinction bursts. Be firm, be safe, be respectful but most of all be aware of the patterns. As much as they claim change, it is rare and usually fleeting and on the surface to what they think that change should be.
-(not quite as)Tired_Dad
There is hope and space beyond, and with good boundaries even successful co-parenting. Keep logs, journals, records, receipts not as a weapon but as a shield.

I am now about a year and a half post divorce with a 50/50 custody with an informal schedule arrangement. This has been the best as it has allowed her true nature to show and my son is with me now  4 nights a week (or more) and is here every day after he gets off the bus and every morning before school. The ex continuously is rejecting a suitor that has been pursuing us and was one of the main reasons that the marriage ended and keeps attempting to recycle me while pushing him away. Her words devaluing him and placing me on a pedestal ring so hollow and empty once the pattern is seen.

There is freedom in seeing the pattern and keeping out of the current. Stability in emotions has led me to be able to have positive relationships of my own with some boundaries that I am self setting to keep safe, it is hard to trust again but I am getting there. Stability in finances has led to increased savings and a very positive outlook on the future. Stability in life in general has led to being able to focus on my son and my career and has brought great success with both.

There is hope, it is not an easy path, the struggle is never over...but things can get better. Hang in there everyone!

 

[cranmango]

Kudos to you my friend, and thank you for the perspective. The path is hard going, and I find it hard to stay hopeful some days. Getting a glimpse into a possible future like this helps.

[Sluggo]

Great insight and learning.  Thank you for sharing.

Sluggo

[CoherentMoose]

Thanks for sharing some good advice.  CoMo

[15years]

Thanks for sharing, I needed to hear this right now.

[Woolspinner2000]

Tired_Dad,

Thanks for sharing these pearls of wisdom with us.  Look at how far you've come! Celebrate your growth and the success of both setting and maintaining your boundaries (which can be hard to do).  Well done! 

Wools