Husband has bpd

[Scorpio2004]

Hi there, my husband has bpd and he left me after splitting on me on 12th November, he did come back when I didn’t expect but was drunk so I refused to talk to him, I’ve been emailing him to tell him he needs help and if he didn’t go therapy I wasn’t going to take the abuse. I’m Muslim and he needs to give me the divorce so I can move on and he isn’t giving it, I’ve been such a good wife, trying to explain his disorder to him and saying I’ll support him if he gets help, but I’ve got adhd and sometimes I need extra help and he doesn’t understand how I feel. Wondering why he doesn’t just give me my divorce since he doesn’t want nothing to do with me. Can someone pls help.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hi Scorpio2004, welcome to the group 

Your situation sounds so difficult -- you want your H to get help, and if he chooses not to, you are ready to be done. Yet, he seems to hang on to the marriage (not granting a divorce), despite his contradictory attitudes and behaviors.

It's good to hear that you're trying emailing. In any relationship, when verbal conversations get emotional or escalate, it can be helpful to find other ways to communicate. What have you noticed when emailing instead of talking in person -- things going better/less heated, worse, other?

You're also not alone in coping with ADHD and having a PD (personality disordered) spouse. Can I ask, have you tried any therapy, counseling, medication, etc, to manage your ADHD? How has that gone?

Since you last posted, any updates in his behavior? Has he come and gone again, stayed at home, etc? How about you -- how have you held up?

I want you to know that your post is here on the "Bettering a relationship" board, even though you're pondering divorce, because at any stage of a relationship with a pwBPD (person with BPD), the tools and skills we learn on "Bettering" can help make things "less worse". In fact, when you have a chance, check out some of our tools (like this video on ending conflicts) and let us know if any of it resonated with you.

Keep us posted, and again, welcome;

kells76