Crossing the Line - Exiting the Theme Park Entirely

[Pook075]

Aaaaand now shes "in a relationship" with some guy. Not even the guy she had been seeing before.

That was the final straw for me. Triangulation is so hurtful, and since ive known her shes done it to me and 4 other men.

Go, be the destructive force of nature you are. I. Am. Done. like, so very very done.

THank you all for all your help, support, tough love and adivce. you are all amazing people.

I feel sorry for him, he has no clue what's coming.  Heal up buddy, this isn't your fight anymore.

[OKrunch]

I completely agree.

[jaded7]

I completely agree.

I've read through this whole thread, and my heart and mind totally feel for you OK. Because I've been there, am there, but am slowly slowly pulling myself out.

I want to thank you for sharing your journey here, just the reading of it all has helped me think through my similar thoughts and feelings. That's the beauty of these boards. I know you are probably posting because your mind and heart are going crazy and you'll get somebody here that will help validate that you aren't crazy...which gets you through another day or hour or minute. But the whole drama is helpful to all of us to read through and recognize similarities in our own worlds.

You are an over thinker! Like me! You want, need, to make some sense of her words and behaviors. You want, need, for her and you to have had some meaning. You want, need, for her to have some love/respect/caring for you.

I have filled 3 of the college/marble cover notebooks writing out various situations that occurred, crazy-making behaviors and words, inconsistencies and double-standards and lies, the horribly verbally abusive put-downs and name calling, the belittling and yelling...I do it every morning having coffee at my favorite shop, which is right across the street from my business I had to close down with COVID. A business I worked in every day for 7 years, several days each week at 5:20am, most nights to 7:30 or 8:00pm.

A business, by the way, she would never participate in and told me was 'stupid'. A business she told me "none of my friends have even heard of". One that was poorly run because I .."am a sh*tty businessman" and a "sh*tty marketer".

Yet, I KNOW...really KNOW...that my business had a profound impact on people. I heard it all the time directly in it when it was open, I heard it in emails and texts when I sent out the notice that we had to close, I hear it to this day just walking around town and a customer sees me and yells out 'hello!' and wants to talk.

I KNOW how wonderfully my business impacted people and how well I ran it. I don't doubt that in the least, and I just can't even try to understand why she would say these things to me. She did, but they don't really, really get at who I know I am, or how good I believe the business was.

And ALSO...right there, on the street in front of the coffee shop, 50 feet from the front door to my former business...is the spot she was parked in picking me up after a class one weekend morning to have coffee. I was chatting with clients after a class, chatting with my instructor, listening to music and cleaning the equipment (a very nice atmosphere, very much community and friendship and wellbeing) and I saw her pull up across the street in front of the coffee shop.

Not wanting her to think I didn't know she was there, or to have to text me, I walked out to say hello and I see her and I'll be out in just a couple minutes. (she NEVER would have come in and joined in the fun group with my instructor and clients...NEVER. In the early days of our relationship I asked her to come to class or to hang out at our 2/month little parties we had and she said unequivocally NO).

As I came up to her car, she rolled down her window, and without saying hi or hello, looked at me angrily and said  "What, are you going to stand there all day in the street with a towel in your hand? Hurry up! I don't have much time!" No hello. No hi honey. No hey, I just got here. No thanks for letting me know you see me. No how was your morning. No are you guys just finishing up?

My point is...I still think about that moment every time I go to the coffee shop. I hurts me, I try to figure out what would cause her to say that. What was she angry at? Should I not have walked out to say hello to her? Did I look stupid standing there next to her car? AM I stupid? What would cause a person to say that? Did she really think I was standing in the street all day? Where does that even come from? Is it offensive to walk out to greet your partner?

I do not look at my business sitting empty and ask similar questions or suffer similar pain. It's there, I see it, but I'm proud of the work I did there and I'm proud of the thousands of lives I positively impacted.

Yet, 50 feet away, the piece of concrete where she parked for that one tiny incident haunts me. I think about it every time. I've stood in the street recreating it, finding the exact spot that I stood in. Trying to understand.

I think that these relationships, with these people, put us into doubting ourselves and wondering if we did something horribly wrong, we deserve to be treated poorly and caused them to ditch us. So then we think, am I a bad person? They get into our minds and our attachment system. They unearth childhood wounding and feelings of terror. They bring us into a state of confusion and fear, and we...no longer children...then try to put our logical minds to work to make sense of it. To make meaning of it.

[Pook075]

A business, by the way, she would never participate in and told me was 'stupid'. A business she told me "none of my friends have even heard of". One that was poorly run because I .."am a sh*tty businessman" and a "sh*tty marketer".

You want to know what my wife said when we split up 7.5 months ago?

I honestly can't tell you because I can't remember.  She was angry, she was manic, and she said all kind of hurtful stuff.  And that stuff bothered me for months until it finally dawned on me that she was manic and had no idea what she was saying.  Why should I get upset over a crazy person saying crazy things?  I just let it go.

I don't know you or your business, but as a former business owner myself I can say that you didn't make it 7 years if you were either of those things.  Let it go, especially since its not true.

[OKrunch]

Now that my nerves have calmed, i feel bad about some of the things I said, but it is what it is.

Shes twisted the knife too many times. I told her "losing you to someone else and watching you try to build on our foundation is the thing I fear most".
She took that information and slowly crafted it into the most hurtful thing she could do to me.
Worse, she was perfectly willing to keep me dangling nearby. When she asked if i'd "be ok with this level of communication if she were seeing someone", she expected me to say yes, and just sit like a hungry person at the bakery window while she lived it up with yet another replacement.
Its what she did last time we broke up. Only difference is that it took her a few months to find a suitable replacement this time, hence my very rapid recycle and discard in Jan. She didn't have any New options.

Im definitley expereinceing the wash back of emotions now, but Im going to keep to myself, focus on new apartment plans, and meditate on truly letting go of my Doggos tonight.

To my sweet F. and D., I was meant to be there your whole lives. From puppy to old age. Im so sorry I wont be. I know you will have happy lives with D11. Goodbye my F. and D.D. :,(

[jaded7]

You want to know what my wife said when we split up 7.5 months ago?

I honestly can't tell you because I can't remember.  She was angry, she was manic, and she said all kind of hurtful stuff.  And that stuff bothered me for months until it finally dawned on me that she was manic and had no idea what she was saying.  Why should I get upset over a crazy person saying crazy things?  I just let it go.

I don't know you or your business, but as a former business owner myself I can say that you didn't make it 7 years if you were either of those things.  Let it go, especially since its not true.

thank you Pook. That's exactly what I'm saying- these things they say don't have any power over us if we don't believe them. We can get to 'not believe them' when we realize and fully accept they are coming from a disordered place.

[SinisterComplex]

thank you Pook. That's exactly what I'm saying- these things they say don't have any power over us if we don't believe them. We can get to 'not believe them' when we realize and fully accept they are coming from a disordered place.

Just chiming in to say I like what I see here. Nice to see the community arriving at this conclusion working together. 

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

[OKrunch]

And yet I'm still jealous.

[Rev]

And yet I'm still jealous.

Hey Crunch...

Here's a question to help you start to detach from that jealously ... which by the way is totally normal. I remember it taking so many weeks for me to stop ruminating.

What can you do to reduce your suffering?

When we grieve - we need to do the work of acknowledging the loss.  We need to do that because it is very difficult, impossible I would say, to heal what can't be named. So we acknowledge the loss.

Then next thing we do is to explore the depth of the pain it causes acknowledge that too (just like above)

Finally - it is to let go - and focus on reducing the suffering that the pain causes.  That's what it means in therapy terms to "take care of yourself first".

To be in pain is just something we all need to deal with - because "something happened". We don't choose to be in pain or not. The brain processes loss as pain.

Whether or not we suffer - that's optional.  And that we can work on.

So again - here's the question:

What can you do to reduce your suffering? 

And coupled with this question is a moment of self awareness.  It is a natural thing for the brain to tell a person that if they are suffering they are failing.  This is part of the cognitive distortions caused by the trauma of a loss as complex as this.  Please keep this in mind - suffering is not a sign of failure, it is a sign of suffering and a sign of where to start healing. Focus on your suffering, build new habits and relationships slowly in order to heal from it - that or reclaim old habits and old relationships (I did both).

Hang in there.

Reach out any time.

Rev

[OKrunch]

Well, she's definitely going out of her way to make it very known that she is in a new relationship. I'm sure there will be several announcements over the next few weeks about how wonderfully happy she is.

[Pook075]

Well, she's definitely going out of her way to make it very known that she is in a new relationship. I'm sure there will be several announcements over the next few weeks about how wonderfully happy she is.

Good for her, just don't you dare take it personal.  She'll be unhappy and dumping him soon enough.

[OKrunch]

I'm absolutely losing it right now. This is like delayed onset about the relationship thing or something I don't know. I'm having a legit goddamn breakdown right now. I had to use a voice to text app on my computer cuz I can't even type properly right now. It's been 6 months why does this still hurt so bad. I can't even get meds because I don't have insurance. There's something seriously God damn wrong with me

[Rev]

I'm absolutely losing it right now. This is like delayed onset about the relationship thing or something I don't know. I'm having a legit goddamn breakdown right now. I had to use a voice to text app on my computer cuz I can't even type properly right now. It's been 6 months why does this still hurt so bad. I can't even get meds because I don't have insurance. There's something seriously God damn wrong with me

Crunch ... hang in there ...  keep reaching out here and if you are having trouble regulating is there someone you can talk to ... and if there is no one in particular maybe find a clergy person of some kind.

 The religion doesn't matter. It's to have human conversation.

Hang in there.

Rev

[OKrunch]

Crunch ... hang in there ...  keep reaching out here and if you are having trouble regulating is there someone you can talk to ... and if there is no one in particular maybe find a clergy person of some kind.

 The religion doesn't matter. It's to have human conversation.

Hang in there.

Rev

trying to get a last min appointment with my therapist.
This is clear and obviously triangulation, and im falling for it hook line and sinker. Just like I did last time.

[cranmango]

Krunch—I’ve been where you are right now. It hurts like hell. Strongly recommend that you put up some hard walls if possible (don’t check social media, don’t reach out, tell any mutual friends or relatives you don’t want to hear updates).

As much as it hurts right now, I promise you it won’t always feel this way.

[OKrunch]

Krunch—I’ve been where you are right now. It hurts like hell. Strongly recommend that you put up some hard walls if possible (don’t check social media, don’t reach out, tell any mutual friends or relatives you don’t want to hear updates).

As much as it hurts right now, I promise you it won’t always feel this way.

That's just it, I've been here before too. With her.

This breakup is following almost the exact same script as last time.

The only difference this time around is that she dated around a bit before landing on a relationship. Our last break up she got into a relationship within about a month.



That's why I'm so angry at myself. I know what she's doing, I know how she does it. I even told myself when I got back together with her if we ever broke up again I would handle it completely differently than I did the first time, and I have not at all.



I don't understand what profit there is for triangulation? If they are with someone else why mess with the head and heart of the person they were with before? There's no value there, only drama. Who the hell wants drama?

[BigEasyHeart]

Hey Krunch,

I've been where you are at and it sucks. If you are feeling really bad try

Crisis Text Line: Text 'DESERVE' TO 741-741

Also,

Lifeline Crisis Chat: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ (Online live messaging)
You will be chatting with a live counselor

And,

Suicide and Crisis Hotline: 988


The above are NOT just for people considering suicide. I used the chat one up top when I was where you are. It really helped just to have someone listening and responding in real-time.

Please keep reaching out. You will get through this!

[OKrunch]

Things I am obsessing over

"Last rebound was almost immediate, she dated around this time, including our recycle. Is this relationship the real thing?"

"Is she trying to make me jealous, or just live her life?"

"Doesnt she care that other people will think this is way too fast? We got engaged in June, and only Split up in October"

"Why do I still care so much, after all she has done to hurt me and push me away?"

"Will this one follow the same pattern or will they actually stay together?"

"She HAD been missing me in Jan, WTF happened?"

"She's sharing our house, dogs, and foundation of life we were building with someone else. Again"


I know these are self destructive and obsessive thoughts, but they are whats rolling around in my head

[cranmango]

That's just it, I've been here before too. With her.

This breakup is following almost the exact same script as last time.

The only difference this time around is that she dated around a bit before landing on a relationship. Our last break up she got into a relationship within about a month.



That's why I'm so angry at myself. I know what she's doing, I know how she does it. I even told myself when I got back together with her if we ever broke up again I would handle it completely differently than I did the first time, and I have not at all.



I don't understand what profit there is for triangulation? If they are with someone else why mess with the head and heart of the person they were with before? There's no value there, only drama. Who the hell wants drama?

Yes, I’ve been through this cycle multiple times with my ex, too. Every time I tell myself that it will be different.

Some anger is good! Anger is part of the detachment process. Anger will motivate you to take action. But don’t beat yourself up too much. We loved our exes, we want things to work out, and this makes us vulnerable to being sucked back in.

You hold the power to break yourself out of this cycle. She might be stuck on her loop forever. But you don’t have to stay stuck on it with her. The title of your thread is spot on!

Some of these pieces will never make sense. Some of her behaviors are inexplicable. There’s no puzzle to solve right now. The long trajectory of your relationship might look different in time, but there’s no magic answer to be found at this moment.

Try this perspective: you are suffering from an emotional bullet wound. First goal is to stop the bleeding. Healing and physical rehab will come with time. But for now just stop the bleeding. Take care of yourself today—move your body, eat a meal, talk to another human—keep your basic systems operational.

One moment at a time, you will get through this. Because you already have before. Every time you cope and come out the other side, you will be a bit stronger than before. You aren’t back to square one, even if it feels that way right now. You are learning and growing.

[OKrunch]

I was doing really good in Oct/Nov, then the pregnancy thing happened. Put me back to wanting to speak with her, and she had nobody else in Late Dec early Jan so she recycled me real quick, and had been seeing someone she didnt jive with.
After that recycle, when she dropped me again and started seeing the newest guy, ive been a wreck since.
I was doing some good improvement in the past few weeks, then this happens and i feel like ive lost all progress.

I feel the same now as I did 3 weeks after leaving. Yelling to the void when I am alone. crying at work. I havent been like this for months. what the hell.

She sure knows exaxtly what strings to pull and when.
Why make the relationship public? just leave me in ignorance please.
Why tell me verbally on the phone you're seeing someone ?
WHY MAKE ME HURT ON PURPOSE?
Wasnt pushing me and my son out a second time enough?

[tina7868]

I was doing really good in Oct/Nov, then the pregnancy thing happened. Put me back to wanting to speak with her, and she had nobody else in Late Dec early Jan so she recycled me real quick, and had been seeing someone she didnt jive with.
After that recycle, when she dropped me again and started seeing the newest guy, ive been a wreck since.
I was doing some good improvement in the past few weeks, then this happens and i feel like ive lost all progress.

I feel the same now as I did 3 weeks after leaving. Yelling to the void when I am alone. crying at work. I havent been like this for months. what the hell.

She sure knows exaxtly what strings to pull and when.
Why make the relationship public? just leave me in ignorance please.
Why tell me verbally on the phone you're seeing someone ?
WHY MAKE ME HURT ON PURPOSE?
Wasnt pushing me and my son out a second time enough?

I'm sorry you are going through these difficult feelings, OKrunch. While I can't answer the questions you have asked, I can say that you deserve better than the way you have been treated. Be patient and kind with yourself. You don't need to add resistance into the mix as you let the waves of emotions wash over you. They're temporary, and you haven't lost all progress, you're still learning.

[SinisterComplex]

I was doing really good in Oct/Nov, then the pregnancy thing happened. Put me back to wanting to speak with her, and she had nobody else in Late Dec early Jan so she recycled me real quick, and had been seeing someone she didnt jive with.
After that recycle, when she dropped me again and started seeing the newest guy, ive been a wreck since.
I was doing some good improvement in the past few weeks, then this happens and i feel like ive lost all progress.

I feel the same now as I did 3 weeks after leaving. Yelling to the void when I am alone. crying at work. I havent been like this for months. what the hell.

She sure knows exaxtly what strings to pull and when.
Why make the relationship public? just leave me in ignorance please.
Why tell me verbally on the phone you're seeing someone ?
WHY MAKE ME HURT ON PURPOSE?
Wasnt pushing me and my son out a second time enough?

So what you need to do is what you are doing. Grieving sucks. It isn't fun and no one wants to go through it. Unfortunately, there isn't a fast forward feature or button to push. So with that said what I am going to do is tell you just keep on keeping on. This is a process and there will be ups and downs. It is ok. Keep engaging and venting here. Everyone processes things differently. The key thing to do is to try to get in touch with yourself to learn about yourself. What do I mean by that? Are you an extrovert? Are you an introvert? What really matters to you? Are you putting pressure on yourself because you are thinking about how others view things? Are you being true to you? Etc.

Be kind to you and just let it out. Don't bottle anything up. You are on no one's timeline but your own and you are going to get better. Please just take the time to learn and focus on healing and not what you cannot change...the past and what has been done.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

[OKrunch]

Yet again thank you all for your continued support. Yesterday was obviously a very difficult day. Again I find it strange that it took a few days to really set in.



I had a good meeting with my therapist this morning, I think my biggest fear is that she's all the sudden going to be normal and have normal relationships and be happy and get married and this next guy is going to basically get Dr Jekyll for his whole life and never see Mr Hyde.

My therapist reminded me of the vast unlikelihood of this scenario.
 Although it stings to know that somebody else is getting the Dr Jekyll treatment right now, I know that it is fleeting and it will not last. Whether it's 6 months or 2 years, the devaluation will eventually set in. I do not wish this upon this new guy, but at the same rate it certainly isn't my damn problem.
 I resisted the urge yesterday to reach out to the Replacment guy from last breakup, i wanted to see what his experience was, but again. It doesn't matter.
Now I just have to stop trying to figure out when the next time she tries to reach out will be, the how, where when and why. These things don't matter. Her patterns don't matter. I don't matter to her right now, so I need to match that energy.

I only have a week left until I get to move out of this damn camper.

[once removed]

I think my biggest fear is that she's all the sudden going to be normal and have normal relationships and be happy and get married and this next guy is going to basically get Dr Jekyll for his whole life and never see Mr Hyde.

i had this fear too. i tried to convince myself otherwise, and it didnt really seem to help.

try digging deeper into it. the fact is that generally speaking, we all do "a little better each time", from relationship to relationship. and until we meet "the one", everyone has a 100% failure rate when it comes to relationships.

i would wager you havent feared this, or no longer fear it with any previous ex. you may or may not expend any energy wishing them well, but you probably dont feel threatened by their subsequent relationships. so, think about it. why this particular fear, with her?

[OKrunch]

i had this fear too. i tried to convince myself otherwise, and it didnt really seem to help.

try digging deeper into it. the fact is that generally speaking, we all do "a little better each time", from relationship to relationship. and until we meet "the one", everyone has a 100% failure rate when it comes to relationships.

i would wager you havent feared this, or no longer fear it with any previous ex. you may or may not expend any energy wishing them well, but you probably dont feel threatened by their subsequent relationships. so, think about it. why this particular fear, with her?

I definitley went through similar pain and fears during my divorce. A contenteous legal situation vastly helped in separating in that scenario, no contact was signifigantly easier. That said, my ex-wife cheated on me, left me for the guy she cheated on, and subsequintly left him for a new full relationship. Which lasted about 2 years, she's now onto her 3rd since our divorce.

My recent ex HATED my ex-wife, and seemed to be jealous of her or viewed her as competition. When my Ex-Wife's 2nd relationship dissolved, it was right when Recent EX and I had also split up, EXBPD go very nosy, thinking EXWIFE and I would reconcile for a moment. Which would never ever happen.

Anyway, to answer your question, I used to have this same fear and anxiety with my Ex-Wife, and it eventually went away. I have no emotional reactions when I deal with her now. its very vanilla. I dont care what she does outside of caring for my son, and that works.

Why the fear with EXBPD? Well, firstly, its still far more fresh. Second, No Contact has been WAY harder with her, Including reconcilliations in the past (which breeds more hope?) Lastly, because EXBPD is someone I do feel is a soul mate of sorts.
My feelings for her became far stronger than with My ex wife. Both employed love bombing, but EXBPD actually legit shares so much of my common interests (not mirroring, she already owned so many of the same books, video games, movies, interests etc.)
This is also why i feel like I am a "Primary" partner / recycle target, as opposed to others she leaves and never speaks to again.
So, in sort, I fear this most with her because I see her as more valuable. I invested more time and emotion with her. We share the same interests, views and humor (Much less so than i Ever did with my EX-Wife, who Did do a lot of mirroring, and dropped the things we "Shared" interest in when she left me)

EXBPD is/was "The One" for me. After my divorce, i said many times "Getting married again? HARD sell"
And EXBPD never preassured me to propse, that was entirely my idea. We had discussed it, and she was excited when we did, but she never directly asked me to do it.
She earned that. With loving my son (or so i thought), raising puppies together, building a family together, and even splitting up and coming back together for what I thought would be "The real thing this time, we've fixed things and we can live happily ever after". Another major reason i proposed to her in June. and now, , 9 months after "Saying Yes", I dont live there, and shes already with another guy. AGAIN. *MIND BLOWN*

Im still coming to terms with the dichotemy of the 2 relationships.
My Ex-Wife mirrored and love bombed me, and then became pretty lazy and complacant for the remaining years. She got bored, she always does. The persona of hers I fell in love with was fake.
EXBPD on the other hand, was real, the woman I fell in love with is the real, regulated, normal version of herself. I just had no idea I was falling in love with a werewoman. After 6 months, she changes, becomes her dark self, and she is unrecognizable.
But the real her is STILL IN THERE. Now I know I cannot rescue her, she has to save herself. I know the cycle of Woman to Wolf to Woman again will continue, until SHE STOPS IT, and keeping it at bay once (if) she does, will require a lifetime of therapy and dedication on her part.
But this is why disconnecting is so hard. Because I know the Woman will again replace the Wolf, and that person, is just a wonderful amazing person.
That said, I've continued to learn things she lied to me about, truths she distorted and so on.
So as time goes on, i continue to wonder, who is the real her?
The Woman, or the Wolf?
One cannot exist without the other, and her Wolf is Fenrisúlfr reborn, but Valkyrie she be, and bright be her sword.
So even though it is the greatest foe she will ever face, I still believe she can slay the wolf.
Like Luke Skywalker entering the dead tree on Dagoba,
"That place… is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go."
"What's in there?"
"Only what you take with you."
―Yoda and Luke Skywalker

[Pook075]

So as time goes on, i continue to wonder, who is the real her?
The Woman, or the Wolf?

I've answered this question for you in different variations several times now.  The answer is, all of it is real.  That's how she thinks, how her mind works.  When she trusts you, it's great.  When she has doubts about you or herself, it's ugly.  But it's all her.

You're looking at this like, "Is she a Toyota or a Mazda?"  That's the wrong question- she's neither.  She's a custom built car that runs on completely different fuel type with a drivetrain 99.999% of mechanics simply can't understand.

[jaded7]

WHY MAKE ME HURT ON PURPOSE?

THIS. Think about this. What kind of person hurts another ON PURPOSE? Do you? Do other people you are friends with?

I don't. I never have and I never would. I have hurt people before, but it wasn't on purpose and I acknowledged what I'd done and how it hurt the person. I didn't make it to a friend's wedding a couple years ago. I was planning on going, it was about 1.5 hours from here on top of a mountain and a huge snowstorm came...I was worried I wouldn't make it there and/or make it back to my business. So I didn't go...he was upset and I acknowledged it and apologized.

What kind of person hurts someone on PURPOSE? I thought about this a lot, and I can think of hundreds of ways she INTENTIONALLY hurt me by calling me names, putting me down, putting my friends down, my business, yelling at me, leaving me out of things, ghosting me for days or a week, on and on.

These weren't accidental, they were intentional. That's something to ponder.

[Couscous]

THIS. Think about this. What kind of person hurts another ON PURPOSE?

The kind of people with Dark Tetrad traits, specifically those high in sadistic tendencies.

For those interested here is a deep dive with personality researcher Dr Paulhus on this topic: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l2og1DJvQ94

[Turkish]

There's a Dark Tetrad now? It was a triad for years. Waiting for the Dark Pentad...

As Pook075 said, all of it is real and it's all [of] her.

My T referred to my ex as having a dis-integrated personality.

[OKrunch]

There's a Dark Tetrad now? It was a triad for years. Waiting for the Dark Pentad...

As Pook075 said, all of it is real and it's all [of] her.

My T referred to my ex as having a dis-integrated personality.

Dis-Integrated Personality definitley fits. I just looked it up.
That suits my ex in my book.

Its so odd, Part of me KNOWS she will be back, and not to long from now, and at the same time it feels like i pissed her off enough and ill never hear from her again.