My BPD bf of a year and 3 months is completely addicted to porn or all sorts and using toys anally. When he and I have sex he VERY RARELY gets off and it screw with my head badly. Then he will pick a fight just to go to the couch with his bag of toys to get off and sleep all night. This is absolutely breaking my heart that I don’t do it for him. He swears he’s not gay or bi yet he’s bi-curious and has never done anything with a guy. I’ve tried everything and I can only get him off with a hand job or blow job. I hope this isn’t too graphic. I’ve never had anyone not be able to get off with just vaginal sex. HELP!
Jenni - I can hear that this is very hurtful for you, and you don’t know what to do. The truth is that BPD people are very frequently addicts. Porn and sexual gratification can definitely be one of the addictive patterns. You can’t do anything to change them, influence them, motivate them, or manipulate them. They will continue the addictive pattern forever until THEY decide to change. Nobody will tell you what to do here, that is truly a personal decision. However the choice is to accept the as is condition, talk to him using the DEARMAN technique about how it makes you feel, or remove yourself from it. You will not be able to do anything to change them. You can only control yourself in this situation, and how you feel.
Keep talking, you aren’t alone…
