Dumped during a crisis

[Tatiana00123]

Hi, I’m new to this site, thank you for having me.
I have come here because I really need help. My partner has BPD, and is currently in crisis mode. He has been under a lot of stress recently with work. And has been quite unstable for weeks.
We are due to get married next month.
Last night he told me that he was happier when he was single, and he doesn’t need this stress in his life.
I am very stable. I have done my research into BPD, so to best support him. When he is in a good place, he tells me he feels safe with me, that I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him. That I deal with his “ups and downs” really well.
But I don’t know what to do. I’m not so good at setting boundaries, and I need help with that. I know he will come back to me and apologise, but I don’t know how to respond. This should be the most exciting time for us, in the build up to our wedding, but I’m filled with anxiety about it, and unsure wether to go through with it in light of what he has said.
Please can someone give me advice.
Thank you in advance.
T x

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chief Drizzt]

Hi - and welcome -

My advice would be to seek out someone you trust and share the situation with them and see what they think about it.  Maybe a parent or close sibling.  Someone like that.  I can tell you as someone who has been married to a BPD spouse for over thirty years its been very stressful for me and our three kids (who are all grown up now) dealing with this over the years. 

[Couscous]

My advice to you would be to seek out counseling for yourself, and also pre-marital counseling if he does apologize. I also highly recommend the book, Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist. It should be available at your library.

[Emaanbillah]

Hello Tatiana
Welcome. It's unfortunate that you are going through such a tough time. I would suggest reading the book "Stop walking on eggshells" by Randi Krieger and would also suggest therapy to explore your own strengths and limits.

Living with someone with BPD can be quite challenging, there are others on this forum who can guide you better on that.

I wish you the best and hope you are able to find the answers and support you are looking for.