To engage or not

[Tornfamily]

I am leaving tonight to go on a vacation with my spouse and our children &granddaughter .  My d with bpd is acting in her usual fashion and this time I have had enough.  I went to the dr with her because she wants help.  Not so easy to find and she is discouraged.  I get that.  Her reaction is to kill herself.  It always is when I am going away.  Guilt trip.  Our son in law and gd were here on the weekend and he was sick.  (He was here for 10 minutes) my daughter and her bf were here.  I was out with my d on the weekend and now she is sick so of course she blames sil. It’s possible but I told her it’s hard to say if that’s how she got sick.  She exploded.  Told me what a piece of s*it I was, horrible mother, I can go f*** myself, etc.  you get it.  I am not engaging anymore but I do fear she will try to kill herself because I am not responding.  I am so tired of the mind games, of not being able to access help, of the manipulation.  All of it.  Sorry, I had to vent.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[DhammaMamma]

I'm in the same spot you are right now. Our daughter always goes into crisis when we travel. We traveled again in February and tried to convince her that we should all work on a plan to mitigate that risk, but she wasn't interested. We had my sister stay at our house (about 10 minutes from our daughter) and hoped that would help.

It did not. She still went into crisis mode.

I've reached my limit and I am disengaging with love. It's well past time my daughter puts in the work to build a life she thinks is worth living. I cannot keep her alive and I cannot make her want to be alive. I cannot make her happy. I cannot do for her things she can do for herself.

My best wishes to you...please vent anytime! We all need to and we all understand.