Can it last?

[Neilth]

I have been with my much younger BPD lover for 2 or 3 years now.  We have been living together for over a year.  This is the most wonderful relationship that either of us has ever had!  Can it last?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[thankful person]

I hope so, but things may become difficult at some point. That’s why most of us are here. At least you will know where to come if you ever need help or advice… Good luck!

[Notwendy]

I think it depends on what any two people want out of a relationship. You didn't mention your ages or how much younger but that might make a difference in terms of expectations- of each of you.

Common relationship issues ( all relationships- not only with BPD involved ) can include finances, household chores, child care, and sometimes disagreements. Sometimes there are less common and more concerning issues such as infidelity or abuse, but not all relationships have these issues.

No two people who live together and commit to a relationship together are going to be exactly alike. They will have differences to work out. How two people communicate and work out their differences probably can have more of an impact on the relationship than the differences, unless these differences are not negotiable boundaries for each person. Going along with the other person can avoid conflict but then the other partner may feel they are abdicating too much of what they want in order to do this.

If none of this is a concern for you, and you are enjoying the relationship- then it's working for you.

[Pook075]

Hi Neilth.  I applaud you for coming here while your relationship is still healthy.  Most of us didn't even realize there was a problem until it was far too late to do anything about it.

The short answer is yes, it can absolutely last.  But the longer answer is that the closer you become, the harder some situations will be while navigating challenges.  Your partner will be quick to feel rejected and take situations of of proportion if you don't know how to properly communicate and de-escalate her mood instabilities.  Sometimes that means talking it out, while other times will require for you to give her space...or take a little space yourself.  It is a constant learning experience and you'll often have to be the bigger person when things go wrong.

For you, now is the perfect time to dig into this website and work through all the tips and tools along the top of the page.  Maybe purchase a book or two on BPD as well and educate yourself.  Meanwhile, your partner should be with a therapist to work through handling adversity and better communication.  It may be great now on the outside, but those with BPD tend to hide quite a bit internally as well- self doubt, self loathing, etc.

This can absolutely work though as long as both of you make it work.  Good luck my friend, and welcome to the family here!

[BPDEnjoyer]

If she is untreated, no it will not last.