Success stories - anyone ?

[HappyChappy]

 
Always good to hear positive news, doesn't need to be about BPD, I'll got first:

My 80 year old uBPD mum has always exploited mi dyslexia but my sister's found a way to prevent such exploitation. She's never told mum her granddaughter is dyslexic and when uBPD started ridiculing her spelling she went no contact. 1 year and counting. So uBPD told us last week she's read up about dyslexia and she's got it (she hasn't) worse than us.  

[NarcsEverywhere]

Makes me wonder if some of that can be caused and exacerbated by abuse, as my BPD friends mom was “helping” her boyfriend through college, because of his dyslexia. I know it’s a legit thing, be I’ve had abuse affect me in all sorts of ways, so it makes me wonder.

Sorry the greatest success I’ve got is getting people with PD to cooperate more, by having good boundaries, being understanding sometimes, but not too understanding, and asserting myself sometimes or walking away. My relationship with my Dad is way paired down, and my journal is my best friend, as usual, so it’s a mixed bag.

[HappyChappy]

Makes me wonder if some of that can be caused and exacerbated by abuse

Hey NarcsEverywhere dyslexia has a close link to trauma, you can get it latter in life google "Trauma dyslexia" it's a spectrum covering 10% of the population. My sister's daughter got bullied at school (I got bullied at home - I loved school ). Bill Gate, Richard Brandson, Spielberg, Alfred Hitchcock, Einstine & loads of  inventors and entrepreneurs have it. And NPD type people tend to prey on people who have it (pressure sales etc...)

Thanks for you success story   that's sage advice.  

[Riv3rW0lf]

Hey HappyChappy,

I thought of you recently, and what you told me on another thread, about entrepreneurs personality types, and becoming overwhelmed quickly which can morph into depression or depressive feelings ?

Well I am glad to report I have incorporated a very strict routine to my work and family life to keep it balanced, thanks to your comment and to my H's tough love.

I only answer email between 8h00 and 8h30 when I start my day, then between 14h00 and 14h30. It freed A LOT of headspace not to make myself available at other times.

And then I adopted a new mantra when I start thinking about work and when the stress seems to kick in and I feel an urge to work like a tornado through my workload  : "The office is closed."

I am happy to report I've been feeling much better and balancing my life/work much better as well.

I also refused work, and am starting to choose who I actually want to work with and build a working relationship with.

I am still feeling stressed, but it's much more manageable with those strong boundaries I put in place for myself.

So thank you for your wisdom, I appreciated it.

I would get those panic moments, when I would realize what I was actually doing and everything I had to do ... Then I had a clarity moment of deep panic when I realized this would actually never stop. Because I am back to work now... I have been on mat leave, then a part time schedule, then back to school... It's been so long now I had forgotten how stressful my work can be...and to add that it's my own business now was a very big blow. But I am getting there. Have accepted that it's a marathon, not a sprint, and I am allowed to say no to work, and I am allowed to have time for myself.

Balancing it out, one day at a time...this is my success story today 

[HappyChappy]

Hey Riverwolf that's great news. I've learnt from reading your posts too, so thanks for your contributions. The "entrepreneurial" person is continually learning, it's the only way to bring about improvements and rapid change. It's evolve or die in private business (less so for corporations or government organisations).  Sounds like you are entrepreneurial - few people can change as quickly as you sound to have. Well done you.    

[Notwendy]

My BPD mother is considered to be legally competent, and she was mismanaging her money to the point of putting herself in jeopardy. She also needed more assistance as she is now elderly. Although we ( her kids) tried to intervene, she would not allow us to.

We had assumed that her extended family members were not aware of her issues. I was surprised when one of them contacted me to tell me they were and stepped in to help us with this situation. They were able to get her an affordable place in an assisted living and help get her house on the market for sale.

She still has BPD and isn't pleased with the situation but she wasn't happy with the situation she had before, and she was not getting appropriate assistance. Even if she doesn't like it, it's really for the best for her and we are grateful that her family stepped in to help make this possible.

[livednlearned]

Ok I'll go  

S21 floated the idea of wanting to live where I grew up (different country). We're about 3 hours away by car. My parents and uBPD sibling live there. I suggested we go up and just kick around to explore so he gets to know the city better.

I think it's a better place for S21 to live than where we are now and I'm glad he's showing some interest in living independently since he's still living at home with me. He had health issues for 4 years and is now healed, but there are some lingering mental health issues connected to his lengthy recovery. Seeing him be interested in anything is a win.

I texted my parents to let them know S21 and I were coming up, and that we were staying in an AirBnb, and would spent the first night having dinner with them while watching baseball (always have an activity planned in a dysfunctional family, pro tip  

Positive news: My self-centered adult child mother usually tries to slam the family together despite known issues between me and uBPD brother. She didn't do that this time. Her thinking has always been, Ok maybe he beat you up when you were kids but he isn't hitting you now.

The last time he hit me I was in my early 20s visiting my parents while my brother was still living at home.

She did make assumptions that we would have dinner at the restaurant of her choice. This has happened my whole life. No back and forth to see whether S21 and I might want to do x or y, just an announcement that she chose x and we will do that.

Positive news: I felt annoyed but not triggered. I texted her to say S21 and I would pick up fast food so we could watch the baseball game, and if she and my father were going out for dinner, we could try to meet up with them another visit.

Big girl pants one leg at a time  

[HappyChappy]

Positive news: I felt annoyed but not triggered. I texted her to say S21 and I would pick up fast food so we could watch the baseball game, and if she and my father were going out for dinner, we could try to meet up with them another visit.

Big girl pants one leg at a time  

Being annoyed but not triggered is great news.
Especially considering what you're having to deal with. Thanks for the positive feedback. **

**The only thing I don't understand is why you would mix baseball (a game that seems really slow at times) with fast food  ? That could be dangerous if it's an all you can eat fast food deal. Well dangerous for me.

[livednlearned]

hy you would mix baseball (a game that seems really slow at times) with fast food  ? That could be dangerous if it's an all you can eat fast food deal. Well dangerous for me.

 

HC you crack me up

Apparently rules recently changed in baseball so it's less like watching paint dry. This is what they tell me 

I will be on my phone trying to get genius in the NYT spelling bee, so fast or slow I'll be happy 

[HappyChappy]

They were able to get her an affordable place in an assisted living and help get her house on the market for sale ...  it's really for the best for her and we are grateful that her family stepped in to help make this possible.

Hey NotWendy

Just noticed your post (I miss stuff). That's really good news. Nice to know you're looking out for your mom even if she wont let you help a times. It's the thought that counts. 

[Nopuppets]

All of you are insightful and inspirational! 

Wanted to share that I have a new plan to celebrate Mother’s Day.  I will be sending my uBPD mother flowers which I will order today, for arrival on Saturday.  My husband and children made reservations for the four of us for brunch on Sunday.  Usually on Mother’s Day my mother will try to FOG me big time for not being with her.  I will try once again to not let it bother me.  However, I’ve accepted that it might some and try to let it go.  But, what she doesn’t know is that I’m going to have a different day of the year for my own Mother’s Day that she can’t try and ruin.  Because she won’t know when it is

[Nopuppets]

The rest of my post didn’t go through…

Has anyone else ever made their own holiday and was it successful?  A big Happy Mothers Day to all of the moms in the group!  ❤️

[Notwendy]

Thanks HappyChappy- we don't want her to come to any harm and in this case, she was the cause of that. It couldn't have been done without her family stepping in to help.

Nopuppets- I don't live near my mother so she doesn't expect a visit. I sent flowers. We did include my parents in our family holidays and celebrations and it seemed BPD mother would have some situation and need the attention to be on her or somehow need everyone to do things for her. After this happened at events like a child's graduation, We then decided for special family events, we'd not involve her or tell her so we can have calm celebrations.

So I agree with the holiday for yourself, and not telling your mother about it.