How long have you been in NC for?

[SurvivalGuy]

I’m coming up to 7 weeks NC. I’m blocked everywhere which is somewhat of a blessing in disguise. Still hurts though and I know it’s for the best.

My gut tells me she will never reach out again. I haven’t even thought about how I would respond if she did because I don’t see it happening.

Having a rough day today.

[SinisterComplex]

I’m coming up to 7 weeks NC. I’m blocked everywhere which is somewhat of a blessing in disguise. Still hurts though and I know it’s for the best.

My gut tells me she will never reach out again. I haven’t even thought about how I would respond if she did because I don’t see it happening.

Having a rough day today.

Its better to not expect anything. However, I think there is a higher probability than you think that she does reach out again at some point. Want an example...I thought I would never interact with my ex wife again and lo and behold she showed up on my doorstep randomly at night the night before my birthday 5 years after our divorce. Keep in mind there was zero contact in that time period. With that experience I have truly accepted the mentality of never say never and always expect the unexpected.

My friend you have to grieve and that is okay. Give yourself a break, Take your time and process things. Do not compare to anyone else and only worry about making progress on your own timeline.

Please be kind to you and take care of yourself. You are fam here and we have your back. 

#bropound

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

[NarcsEverywhere]

Been no contact with my exGF for like 12 years, she's a footnote at this point. Sorry it's so rough, I know at first, when broke up with mine, it really wrecked me, and I went pretty much insane. Not that the relationship itself wasn't insane. Hope you're taking care of yourself, and cutting yourself enough slack on your hardest days. That's what I did yesterday. No contact is definitely the way to go, in my book. You can't reason with crazy, and although I don't know your specific situation, it's better to take care of yourself, than try to punish yourself with her.

One thing that happened in my relationship, is that, not only was I severely abused and devalued by her, it's that I sort of lost myself in her, and having that rug pulled out from under me was scary. But, I learned to love myself and also connect to myself more, and I slowly recovered, when I started living life more. It's not easy though, hope you get better.

[Juantelamela]

Coming up on week 4 for me. I broke up with her and she blocked me from everything right away. The next day she tried to re-add me only to withdrawal the requests within the hour. It's hard, for sure, but on day 3 when she called me 7 times in a row to talk and texted me to see if I had blocked her, it reminded me of the suffocating feeling she gave me on those rare days when I would go hang out with friends or see my family without bringing her with me. It reinforced my decision to break up with her, as I can't have that type of energy in my life.

Thankfully now, the majority of the contact is amicable and just about finishing up our business at the apartment we had together. Sure there is still the "I miss you" texts and some that I perceive are just to make conversation, but I've been firm about only texting about the apartment. No contact can be rough, but it's been helping my healing process immensely.

[Emma12]

It makes me feel stronger to see that you guys have been able to have no contact for that long. For me it's been two days at that point and It's really hard. I took the decision to go no contact even though we still have a rental contract in common because she has not been respecting the agreement we had made about being in contact only about to talk about the flat. It makes everything super messy and complicated but her constant texts and emails about asking me to become best friends when she broke up two months ago were too much for me to take. It made me feel horrible. I also could not have a conversation with her about anything related to the flat and things we still have in common so what was the point anyway. I am moving out at the end of the week and she will have to deal with the rest as she is the main tenant. I hope I will be strong enough to keep having no contact at all.

[MeandThee29]

With these types, you truly never know. Mine was a long-term marriage with college kids when we split. He had the formal NPD/BPD diagnosis.

My ex claimed during separation when we were selling the house in 2018 that the memories were messing with his mind. I went email-only after that because I was tired of him blowing up my phone. Apparently, he told all that to his attorney. Some months in, he began really losing it mentally to the point that his attorney was worried enough that his attorney told my attorney what was going on. Of course, I had shared the history with my attorney, but he didn't indicate what he knew. Twice his attorney told mine that he was considering calling the police where my ex lived to do a mental health check. We don't know if that happened. The attorneys got it done though, all by email and phone.

I was no contact during the divorce process, but agreed to email-only for closeout and ONLY on legal issues. My ex of course raged and tried to take control, but I BIFF'ed ala Bill Eddy, and that ended. I haven't shared anything personal with him since.

Then his attorney died of COVID during closeout in 2020, so my ex was tossing out bogus, self-written legal threats for a while and disappeared again for some time after he got COVID himself. Then he reappeared via email with yet another bogus threat in 2021 and sent a related legal notification in 2022 via email. He sent something for Christmas in 2022 with a kind note (?). I decided to acknowledge that in a few sentences, but just gratitude, nothing meaningful.

My take? Anything is possible, but he seems largely occupied elsewhere. My guess is that when he has a romantic interest he's good, and when he doesn't, he's not. He's retired, so he has a lot of time on his hands. I doubt that he will show up here, but I fully expect there will be some contact periodically. We had two kids who are now working adults who want nothing to do with their father, so I think that's behind some of it.

I get that no contact is rough. After several decades together, I didn't think I could do it, but it had to be.

[capecodling]

I’ve had 3 BPD relationships at this point… oof!

The 1st and 2nd respected boundaries and have remained no contact for years.

The most recent it was 4 weeks, I blocked her on everything and she broke NC by calling from other phone numbers and email I had not blocked.

[Torimagic]

Welllll in this moment it has been a day. Yikes! When I broke up with her in September the longest I went was 2 1/2 months. She unfriended me from Facebook and did the ghosting crap. I stopped reaching out for my own healing, but had a built in trip that I knew I would cross paths with her. I honestly thought she would never talk to me again after the unfriending, ghosting, and impulsive unkind Bx that made no logical sense. I would read these forums wishing and yearning to be like the others where my ex would reach out to me because I was in severe grief. It is wonderful to initially have her reach out, get closure, even hear the words “I’m sorry.” The sweet friend vibes lasted a month and half and literally a couple of days ago she basically did the exact thing that made me break up with her in the first place. These days have been HELL. Hell because of the hurt. And also hell because I call her out on her crap which means she is “gone” and will ghost me again. The difference now, this idea she is “gone” is a false narrative because we honestly have no idea what is going to happen. If your person is gone then it saves you the cycle of more pain and harm. I’m sorry though it really is one of the worst experiences of my life that particular type of pain.

[swisco]

I was discarded in early February 2020 and I have literally never seen or spoken to the woman again.

I had to go absolute no contact immediately for my own protection, since she'd decided it would be a great idea to file false allegations against me with the police.  They were dismissed out of hand.

It hasn't stopped her though.  Over a year later, after no communication whatsoever, she unsuccessfully tried to have me fired from my job after contacting my employer.  Several other howls at the moon occurred in the months after that, none of which got any response.  We divorced about 8 months ago, without ever communicating again, and everything has been quiet since.

Hopefully that's the last I'll hear about her.

[keepitup]

I've been no contact with my bpdex for 2 months.
Though it made me sad at first, I think it is the thing that helped me the most to truly start healing.
Sometimes I have a lingering feeling of wanting him to contact me, to feel I am needed again.
But I make sure at the time to remind myself of the way my ex treated me and not wanting to get back in the drama is enough to keep me in NC.