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As I’ve learned more about my husband of 20 years emotional affair, I think he was love bombed. The woman contacted him online with profuse exhibits of “love” pushing him to leave me. She eventually cut him off, met someone else online, and got engaged to that person within two months. She still strings him along, offering to help him with his mental health by offering him to stay at her house to cat sit while she is on vacation for a month with her fiancé. I  told her to back off while he was in the hospital after attempting suicide to punish her for leaving him. And she responded by sending me a substantial amount of money to ostensibly help with his medical expenses. Now I’m thinking she did so to continue to exert control over him and the situation, but I can’t be certain.

It’s clear the my husband has strong BPD traits and his psychiatrist wants him to get into DBT. I don’t know how much sympathy to offer him. He appears to have been manipulated. He is quite clingy and vulnerable. Yet, he also needs to be held accountable for his actions and to improve himself. He has agreed to separate, but his behavior suggests that he is trying to improve himself and stay in the home. In the State where will live, I cannot force him to leave. The law protects his rights to stay in n the marriage unless he commits domestic violence. I’m a bit stuck and not certain how to proceed.