I’m about to do this:

[Chief Drizzt]

Things are going pretty roughly with my wife - and she is constantly telling me she wants to end her life because she thinks no one loves her and that she feels worthless.  She did make an attempt back in February.  She seems to have this expectation that people should be treating her differently since she made the attempt - and since that’s not the case it makes her feel even more under appreciated.

I’m not sure what to make of this - though I can’t help but think she is trying to manipulate me somehow with all this talk of suicide - which does freak me out.

Our 18 yo daughter is going on a week long cruise in a week and I think I’m going to take the opportunity to tell my wife that she is mentally ill, over emotional, and needs serious therapy.  And also that I don’t appreciate her using suicide to manipulate me. 

Not sure if I do it or not - but I’m getting fed up with this nonsense and can’t stand living like this any more.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Notwendy]

You can say what you want, but... you want it to be effective. IMHO telling someone that they have a problem and that they need to change their behavior (using the word "you") will not work- they will not be able to process it. It would likely backfire.  

Your part is to decide how you will respond to their behavior. Sometimes this is better done by action and not talking, but I think here that you can state it. Use "I" not "you". I have found that appealing to how much you value them and how much you love them is more effective.

" We - your family- care very much about you. I felt scared and worried about you in February. When you bring up feeling worthless and feel nobody loves you, I feel sad for you.  I will call 911 if you say you might hurt yourself because I am not a professional and think they are better qualified to help you. I'd also like to see you get counseling because, you are worth it to me and I want someone to help you feel happier. Would you be open to this? "

Your boundary- bring this up again- call 911. Then you have to stick to it. It might not work to get her to counseling but you've presented your boundary about calling 911.

[Chief Drizzt]

Wendy - you are right - I’m just getting frustrated - thank you.

[Notwendy]

I understand. I’ve gotten frustrated too and told my BPD mother how I feel. It often doesn’t go very well.