1 month out, BPDex contacted me despite being blocked

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I had to update this because I had some new developments happen with this situation.  

It has been a little over a month since my BPDex and I broke up, I thought for good.   I felt like something inside of me finally had enough this time leaving her, that it was the last chance I would give her.   I blocked her on *everything* and began putting my life back together, little by little.  At the time of our breakup, it ended badly with her discovering me trying to look at her phone due to suspicions I'd had about her phone usage, though I never really found much.  I had never done anything like that before.  I couldn't believe how unwell I became in that relationship.   I told her that I was sorry, told her we should not have more contact because it will make things worse, wished her the best, and blocked her on everything.

Fast forward to this week, I started getting lots of calls from strange numbers, then finally an email from an address which I hadn't blocked, it was her wanting to get "closure" but later turned into her wanting to get back together despite my supposedly crazy behavior from our breakup.   I refused to get back together, we kept talking, then she abruptly ended the conversation supposedly because of some things I'd said to her (although I didn't see anything so bad in anything I had said) I wished her well and blocked her again.  This time I deleted all of my old messages from her, all of her contact information too.    

I never could understand why I feel so unwell around this particular woman.  If you look at the content of what she says to me, there is never anything so horrible.  But I never saw her take much responsibility for anything.   It always seemed to be me apologizing for things.  And I admit, sometimes I made some pretty big mistakes.   But she seemed to pivot her position on things all the time, one moment she is willing to "do whatever it takes to get back together" the next moment she is "done forever."   Our whole relationship was kind of like this: one minute I am "the perfect man for her" the next minute she is cutting me to shreds for something relatively small.

I would say that my ex-BPD was a master of projecting her negative emotions onto me too, in other words, she was a master manipulator.   I am so glad to be free of her.   No mater how grounded I was, her manipulations could always get under my skin and press buttons.

At the same time, having any contact with my ex, even this limited type over email did reopen old wounds.   I really don't want any sort of contact with her beyond this, because I realize even if it is her "seeking closure" it is still painful to interact with her in any sort of way.  I also could see her reaching out at some point and doing another charming attempt.

I was thinking I would just grayrock her from now on, meaning that even if she circumvents all my blocks on email, phone, and social media I'll just ignore her completely until she loses interest.   It is so sad to me that such drastic measures might be necessary, every healthy relationship I've had we were always able to end it at least amicably.  This is the first time I've needed to consider such drastic measures, the only other case was another BPD relationship I had.   Yes, I definitely am working on healing this codependency in me which has attracted so many BPD women.

Does anyone have any thoughts on all of this?  Can you relate to how it reopens the old wounds, even if the person is coming clean and giving you closure?  With other relationships, the closure always helped.  But this BPD, it is just more pain.  Everything with her is *always* painful.  Even the love bombing and charming is painful.   And each cycle of reinitiating contact, even over email just seems to do more damage to my mental health.   I truly can't take anymore of this, I will not do another cycle not even conversations over email again.

[capecodling]

I had to update this because I had some new developments happen with this situation.  

It has been a little over a month since my BPDex and I broke up, I thought for good.   I felt like something inside of me finally had enough this time leaving her, that it was the last chance I would give her.   I blocked her on *everything* and began putting my life back together, little by little.  At the time of our breakup, it ended badly with her discovering me trying to look at her phone due to suspicions I'd had about her phone usage, though I never really found much.  I had never done anything like that before.  I couldn't believe how unwell I became in that relationship.   I told her that I was sorry, told her we should not have more contact because it will make things worse, wished her the best, and blocked her on everything.

Fast forward to this week, I started getting lots of calls from strange numbers, then finally an email from an address which I hadn't blocked, it was her wanting to get "closure" but later turned into her wanting to get back together despite my supposedly crazy behavior from our breakup.   I refused to get back together, we kept talking, then she abruptly ended the conversation supposedly because of some things I'd said to her (although I didn't see anything so bad in anything I had said) I wished her well and blocked her again.  This time I deleted all of my old messages from her, all of her contact information too.    

I never could understand why I feel so unwell around this particular woman.  If you look at the content of what she says to me, there is never anything so horrible.  But I never saw her take much responsibility for anything.   It always seemed to be me apologizing for things.  And I admit, sometimes I made some pretty big mistakes.   But she seemed to pivot her position on things all the time, one moment she is willing to "do whatever it takes to get back together" the next moment she is "done forever."   Our whole relationship was kind of like this: one minute I am "the perfect man for her" the next minute she is cutting me to shreds for something relatively small.

I would say that my ex-BPD was a master of projecting her negative emotions onto me too, in other words, she was a master manipulator.   I am so glad to be free of her.   No mater how grounded I was, her manipulations could always get under my skin and press buttons.

At the same time, having any contact with my ex, even this limited type over email did reopen old wounds.   I really don't want any sort of contact with her beyond this, because I realize even if it is her "seeking closure" it is still painful to interact with her in any sort of way.  I also could see her reaching out at some point and doing another charming attempt.

I was thinking I would just grayrock her from now on, meaning that even if she circumvents all my blocks on email, phone, and social media I'll just ignore her completely until she loses interest.   It is so sad to me that such drastic measures might be necessary, every healthy relationship I've had we were always able to end it at least amicably.  This is the first time I've needed to consider such drastic measures, the only other case was another BPD relationship I had.   Yes, I definitely am working on healing this codependency in me which has attracted so many BPD women.

Does anyone have any thoughts on all of this?  Can you relate to how it reopens the old wounds, even if the person is coming clean and giving you closure?  With other relationships, the closure always helped.  But this BPD, it is just more pain.  Everything with her is *always* painful.  Even the love bombing and charming is painful.   And each cycle of reinitiating contact, even over email just seems to do more damage to my mental health.   I truly can't take anymore of this, I will not do another cycle not even conversations over email again.

[KnockOnWood]

I left my BPDex over 4 months ago and she was still reaching out to me for a couple of months despite being blocked.  It created a constant fear and anxiety.  You just have to be persistent with no contact and hope she moves on.

[capecodling]

I left my BPDex over 4 months ago and she was still reaching out to me for a couple of months despite being blocked.  It created a constant fear and anxiety.  You just have to be persistent with no contact and hope she moves on.

I am not sure if mine will reach out again not.  She has reached out after being blocked numerous times before but this last cycle I refused to see her in person and she painted me black and discarded.  It felt final to me, but these discards and splitting episodes *always* feel final, and then she will suddenly be back a few months down the road.  Usually when I am just starting to feel like I am forgetting about her and not thinking about her every day.  

On the other hand, she does seem to paint me more and more black each time there is another vacuum-discard cycle.   So she may not reach out again, I actually hope she never communicates with me ever again. I know that this time I have definitely moved on, at least from wanting to be with her.   I still think about her a fair amount each day but I also can’t believe how much better I feel not having contact with her.  Whenever I hear from her, even if she is love-bombing it makes me feel anxious and unwell.  

How can you reach a point where even love-bombing feels horrible?