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[njmom5]

My 21yo child has been diagnosed with BPD in December.  It's been a rough few years and we could see that her mental health was becoming compromised.  Her appearance has been modified drastically over the past three years.  I don't even recognize my own child anymore. I have a great support team with my husband (my child's step father who has stepped up as her father figure), my personal therapist, and my child's therapist ( my child signed and ROI).  This is all a great help but I truly feel so alone.  I can't speak with my family about all this because they just don't understand as they have "typical" children.  I feel very depressed and have had some rough moments coping.  My child's therapist actually shared this site with me so I am hoping to find a community I can connect with.

Thanks so much. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Welcome njmom5
I am glad that you have come here because I think that by reading others' posts here you will not feel so alone. There is lots of helpful information too.

BPD is a truly horrible illness and the effects of it can engulf those who care about and support the person with the condition. You hardly recognise your daughter. The grief is enormous and we have to deal with this as well as trying to support our children, so we become exhausted.

When I first came here my dd was a teenager. I read others posts and they were talking about self care etc and I couldn't quite accept it. I was totally focused on finding the 'answer' for dd. Then I came to see how right they were.

I don't know your particular circumstances so it is difficult to offer a specific suggestion. But in general I think it would be helpful if you can take 'time out' somehow for yourself, to think about what is happening for you, what supports you can put in place - I understand you don't have family understanding.

One of the first things that helped me was using the mantra 'I didn't cause this, I can't control it, I can't cure it' - the three C's. When I felt the anxiety welling up inside I used to focus on this.
 
That helped me to step back from feeling totally responsible for what was happening and for 'making it better'.

I hope by coming here you will at the very least know that you are truly not alone

[wannabeamomma]

Just know that only you can truly know what it is like to lose a child to bpd. My husband is supportive to me but is very angry at my son (his step son) and only wants to lash out at him especially when I get the silent treatment or even worse the crazy texts that accuse me of horrific abuse and neglect when he was a child. Just yesterday he texted that he no longer wishes to talk to me because of all the imagined wrongs I have committed. We need someone to help us grieve the loss of our child to this confounding illness but usually they can only express anger towards our child. I get it but still love my son and wish the rest of my family could understand his illness.