Mini-Remission?

[InTheWilderness]

My 20 yr old son was diagnosed this year. He found this to be a relief, to finally put a name to what he’s been experiencing for most of his life. Unfortunately, repeated crises and hospitalizations have derailed his college and career plans, which has also fed his despair (He has refused meds and therapy).

About two weeks ago he decided to move back to his home state and attend college near us. He won’t be living with us, but he is visiting now.

For two weeks we have seen no hint of BPD. I mean, none, zero, and I can’t recall a time when he was symptom free. He is hopeful for his future and is experiencing very little stress, which probably explains his good mental health. This isn’t the first time in the past year he has made a big decision to improve his situation. He became an EMT, but that job was too stressful and he’s moved across the country twice to live near friends and family and get a start in a new career. In all cases, he suffered much anxiety with high BPD symptoms. This time, something is different.

A journal article from 2015 defines remission as having two months with less than two symptoms https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4500179/.

Has anyone here gone through this with your childwBPD? Is this common? Might he crash after this period of respite? Or might this be a positive indicator for the course of disease?

I want this version of my son to be with us forever. It is wonderful to see him without anguish and despair. It feels like a miracle, if I were to believe in such things.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Pook075]

That's an interesting question and it's something that's probably impossible to answer since everyone's unique.

In my own personal opinion, BPD is never cured since it's a series of learned skills to deal with adversity and disordered thinking.  My BPD daughter has done great overall the past 18 months or so, then had a major meltdown that required hospitalization when a three-year relationship fell apart.  But we can understand that, it's hard when breakups happen.

Also, realize that "showing no symptoms" is very different from "cured".  My BPD ex wife is "quiet BPD" and often keeps everything inside to suffer in silence.  She smiles and laughs throughout the day, only to curl up in a ball and cry her eyes out for hours at night when nobody is looking.  BPD pain is often hidden and rarely talked about in a constructive way.

I'm not saying this to make you lose hope, but I do want you to realize that getting in a better mindset takes considerable work and it is a lifelong process.  Most days, my BPD kid does great and appears "cured".  On horrible days, she still talks about suicide.  And that's okay, because her communication is 1,000x better and she'll reach out on those bad days to talk it through. 

My ex wife, on the other hand, is still smiling away and living her best life during the day; most would assume there's nothing wrong with her.  In other words, she appears "symptom free" as well but it's only because she's so good at hiding it.

I hope that helps!