Intimacy with a Push Pull Dynamic

[Depression = 72% of members]

I’m
Wondering what your experience has been. Everything from a slightly avoided kiss to holding your hand weakly. Coming on strong during times of her confidence ( which is rare and amazing) and expressing distance, fear and vulnerability for 90% of the time. To compound this when I do delicately display intimacy in a non pressured way she immediately diverts her attention to phone, pets , friends. It’s painful and I’m not sure how this relates to BPD/NPD.
Any similar experience will help the de-crazymaking process

Gratitude and wellness to you all

[Archery]

I’m
Wondering what your experience has been. Everything from a slightly avoided kiss to holding your hand weakly. Coming on strong during times of her confidence ( which is rare and amazing) and expressing distance, fear and vulnerability for 90% of the time. To compound this when I do delicately display intimacy in a non pressured way she immediately diverts her attention to phone, pets , friends. It’s painful and I’m not sure how this relates to BPD/NPD.
Any similar experience will help the de-crazymaking process

Gratitude and wellness to you all

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hi ARCHERY;

Have you noticed a pattern with her behaviors at all? Any kind of cycle -- i.e., she's confident for 1 day, very confident for 1 day, back to "just" confident for 1 day, then avoidant/pulling away for 4+ days (just for example)?

If there is a pattern (or, like you said, a % of time that she's distancing), was it always like that, or do you remember a time when it was different?

[Archery]

The beginning of the relationship was more mutual. As time went on it’s more and more like she expects me to climb the hill as I put it , ultimately apologizing for feeling, thinking and acting in any way that opposes her black and white thinking. In terms of patterns, that’s a great question. I’m not sure if there is a time of day or in the week. Maybe I should keep track? Is this something that helped you anticipate rhythms in your own relationship?

Thanks