Why say these things?

[Notwendy]

I agree and wouldn't care if BPD mother's spending wasn't as self destructive. Her care needs are high at her age. That's understandable. These are necessities. It's when she chooses her emotional needs to excess that she drains her savings that distresses us. Her need to feel special is connected to a service being high cost, or high effort. She likes it when people do things for her and especially if they go to great effort and expense to do it.

This also leaves her vulnerable to people selling her things and also some taking advantage of her, by acting solicitous and complimentary with her. In addition, if someone tries to advise her- for her own well being- because they actually care about her-she perceives them as being critical. Advice feel invalidating to her. So does asking questions.

[Turkish]

I agree and wouldn't care if BPD mother's spending wasn't as self destructive.

This also leaves her vulnerable to people selling her things and also some taking advantage of her, by acting solicitous and complimentary with her. In addition, if someone tries to advise her- for her own well being- because they actually care about her-she perceives them as being critical. Advice feel invalidating to her. So does asking questions.

Both of these things I experienced. If I criticized, I was the 

Or, "you think you know everything!"

Well, I know when people, your "friends" are taking advantage of you, and I know not to spend my money into oblivion (I didn't say).

[Notwendy]

Yes, she's called us kids all kinds of names.
 It's aggravating that if someone who cares about her offers advice, she will put it down, put them down. If a total stranger, who may or not be qualified offers advice- then that's what she believes.

[Turkish]

Yes, she's called us kids all kinds of names.
 It's aggravating that if someone who cares about her offers advice, she will put it down, put them down. If a total stranger, who may or not be qualified offers advice- then that's what she believes.

Do you feel that part of this might be magical thinking? My mom also fell for get rich quick schemes. I'm thinking like, "this person with whom heretofore I had no connection has the answers/soothing/validation I seek."

I can kind of wrap my head around my ex leaving me for her young studly, but to this day I can't really understand my mother though I know her Dx's and background.

[Notwendy]

I'm thinking like, "this person with whom heretofore I had no connection has the answers/soothing/validation I seek."

It's magical thinking- I think she can project on to someone she isn't connected to, and also, they don't know her, so she can present herself as she wants to.

As to your wife- I think it's similar- when we are married for a while,  the relationship doesn't look like a Hollywood romance movie. Mr. Studly can come along and offer what is essentially a fantasy.  Fantasy is fine for the movies but you don't break up the family you have over it. Most likely that fantasy fizzled once it became reality. In a similar way, whatever or whoever BPD mother is assuming will be the soothing, validation she seeks can eventually be seen as inadequate.