Year long relationship. I got cheated on and now she is dating that guy.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Me and my ex with BPD had dated for eight months but then tried to “fix” things for around three months which basically gave it around a year. Just last month we hungout again in an attempt to fix things for the millionth time and she made me promise that even though we were in a talking stage, I wasn’t going to talk to other people which I was fine with. I wanted to make things work so I wasn’t interested in cheating. Logged into her TikTok to find messages with her flirting back and forth with someone she said was a “friend” and tried to lie by saying he was just gay. Obviously this wasn’t the case. When I confronted her I was met with anger and blame because “you shouldn’t be on my tiktok in the first place.” Yes thats true I shouldn’t have been but the bigger issue was her flirting with someone while we were technically together. We had both mutually agreed not to talk to other people. For a week it was constant arguing and her telling me she wasn’t flirting and just denying everything even though I saw it with my own eyes. Well one month later they have been dating for a month now ironically. Obviously there was something going on and she made me feel like I was crazy. Ive been super down lately and just overall bummed out and I found this site and have been reading a lot and I could use some type of support. I have so many questions I wish I could ask her. Part of me wonders if she even feels bad for what she did and part of me wants to know if she even thinks or cared about me even though she is in a relationship. This sounds like something dumb but honestly its been really difficult on me and I have found many threads here where I have been able to relate to some people so I am hoping someone who has experienced something similar or is knowledgeable about this topic can help me. Ive even been wondering if she’s ever going to try and come back. I hope this doesn’t sound silly but if someone could help me I would appreciate it.

[Leb]

Me and my ex with BPD had dated for eight months but then tried to “fix” things for around three months which basically gave it around a year. Just last month we hungout again in an attempt to fix things for the millionth time and she made me promise that even though we were in a talking stage, I wasn’t going to talk to other people which I was fine with. I wanted to make things work so I wasn’t interested in cheating. Logged into her TikTok to find messages with her flirting back and forth with someone she said was a “friend” and tried to lie by saying he was just gay. Obviously this wasn’t the case. When I confronted her I was met with anger and blame because “you shouldn’t be on my tiktok in the first place.” Yes thats true I shouldn’t have been but the bigger issue was her flirting with someone while we were technically together. We had both mutually agreed not to talk to other people. For a week it was constant arguing and her telling me she wasn’t flirting and just denying everything even though I saw it with my own eyes. Well one month later they have been dating for a month now ironically. Obviously there was something going on and she made me feel like I was crazy. Ive been super down lately and just overall bummed out and I found this site and have been reading a lot and I could use some type of support. I have so many questions I wish I could ask her. Part of me wonders if she even feels bad for what she did and part of me wants to know if she even thinks or cared about me even though she is in a relationship. This sounds like something dumb but honestly its been really difficult on me and I have found many threads here where I have been able to relate to some people so I am hoping someone who has experienced something similar or is knowledgeable about this topic can help me. Ive even been wondering if she’s ever going to try and come back. I hope this doesn’t sound silly but if someone could help me I would appreciate it.

[kells76]

Hey Leb, glad you found the boards, and no, none of your questions are silly questions 

"Rules for you but not for me" is the picture I'm getting of your relationship, where even though you couldn't do XYZ, she could, "because it's different". I've experienced that too (the person in my life with BPD is my husband's kids' mom -- same dynamics though) and it's frustrating and crazymaking for sure.

Part of me wonders if she even feels bad for what she did and part of me wants to know if she even thinks or cared about me even though she is in a relationship.

Not sure if you've seen this yet, but we have a great discussion on that in our thread Did she ever love me?, and I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on it.

Ive even been wondering if she’s ever going to try and come back. I hope this doesn’t sound silly but if someone could help me I would appreciate it.

Lots of members have that question; not a silly one at all. I guess the answer is "it depends". My H's kids' mom did not, because before the divorce was final, she'd already started dating H's then-best friend. Many other members, though, have experienced what is sometimes termed "Relationship Recycling", and that thread suggests that 62% of relationships don't end at the first breakup.

A good question for you might be: regardless of what she tries to do, what do you think you want? Would you want to get back together, or, no matter what she says/does, do you want to be done?

Let us know how you've been doing over the last few days -- we'll be here;

kells76

[SinisterComplex]

Leb, first welcome to the fam.  Second...no need to feel that any of your questions are silly, dumb, or any of that. We all get it here. Trust me. You're hurt...simple as that. Let us help you along your journey. Please continue to engage with the community and ask as many questions as you want to and share as much as you feel you need to.

In the meantime please be kind to you and take care of yourself.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-