Can silent treatment happen outside the confines of the relationship?

[pipefitter]

I have this question for those on here with more experience than I have. Me and my ex fiancé wbpd broke up again during a splitting episode 2 weeks ago. She has taken to blocking all communication between us. When she did it, her words made it sound  like it was more of a punishment? Not being done as a form of no contact to heal emotionally with the goal of moving on.

 During our first break up,  she did more of just ignoring with threats of blocking when she was stressed. Like when I demanded I be allowed to have a relationship with her kids (they know me as dad). But it still felt the same then as it does now.


I know cluster B’s view us nons as more of an object to be controlled, and it felt like during the recycle I was more only an object. Like a hammer. A tool to meet the needs of the day. Cleaning cooking taking care of the kids emotional regulation etc. it was definitely worse the 2nd time around.  It seems she views me as her object no matter what I do. Double standards were applied outside of the relationship. I.e it was okay for her to sleep around but if I did it it would have been earth shattering. Even though I was single.

So my question is can the blocking/silent treatment be a form of silent treatment used to punish or control us? Even though we aren’t technically in a relationship with one another I know she still views me as “hers”. I understand she is a grown women, with no obligation to speak to me. However her reaction isn’t a normal reaction to a break up. Hell the break up wasn’t normal either. And it is hurting me. We have shared financial assets that would benefit both of us to have a line of communication, and I am verrrry emotionally invested in her kids. Any thoughts on this would be awesome

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[Notwendy]

It's only been 2 weeks, this is still a relationship as you haven't gotten over each other. It might also be the push part of the push pull cycle as recycling is not uncommon.

If the question is- can it happen outside of a romantic relationship? I think so. One example I observed is with a friend of my BPD mother. When my father was ill, and I was visiting, her friend kept calling on the phone and my mother told me to not anwer the phone. She didn't want to talk to her friend. I didn't know why. Finally, the friend kept calling and I decided to answer. Her friend was frantic- concerned about how my father was doing and since nobody was anwering she was very worried.

I was surprised that my mother didn't think about how her friend was feeling. The friend was worried about my father. I asked my mother- why won't you speak to her? She just shrugged and said "because she didn't feel like it".

If my BPD mother is angry or upset about something, she isn't thinking of how someone else is feeling. I felt sorry for her friend who was so worried since nobody answered the phone. Friend was getting the silent treatment and why- well that was not possible to know.

Is your ex punishing you? Maybe, maybe not. It's possible she's not even thinking about how you are feeling. If she's angry- well she's focused on that and not thinking much else.

[pipefitter]

Thanks for the input! Ya I meant since we technically “aren’t together”. I think it’s a combination of being mad, and as a form of punishment. Seeing as we recycled once, it wouldn’t shock me if she wanted to try again once the dust settles more. This just isn’t the same pattern as the first time around.

[Augustine]

So my question is can the blocking/silent treatment be a form of silent treatment used to punish or control us?

It’s like that rhetorical question: how long is a piece of string.

As their way of interpreting phenomena in the world is based on transitory emotional states, any explanation might be the correct one.

She might be seething in a rage at the thought of you, missing you, or not remember your name over the course of any given day.

Trying to ascribe a logical motivation behind the behaviour is fundamentally fruitless, as they have little control over their behaviour/thoughts.

The only thing that truly works is to just get on with your day as if nothing peculiar ever occurred, and not contact them.

[pipefitter]

Fair enough. I guess it’s the nons way of trying to make order out of a pwbpd’s disordered thoughts. I honestly couldn’t tell you why, but I still love the woman. I would hear her out if she reached out. As for me, well, the block is still on going. Longest period of no contact through out our 2.5 year relationship though