At my wit's end...guidance needed.

[subwaytune]

Hello all, apologies if this is not in the right place.

My significant other believes she has undiagnosed BPD. We've known each other for a long time but only recently getting intimate 6 months ago. I'm not a professional, but did conduct a ton of research to understand her better. She is also self aware of a lot of things. I truly love her as a person want to to support her to the best of my ability, but recently it has been extremely difficult. She is seeing a therapist.

I am someone who is unfortunately scared of confrontation and I am working on it. Actually had first therapy session today. I also tend to be a people pleaser and have poor boundaries.

Obviously, being a people pleaser combined with bpd trait of being almost idolized is not ideal. I get split black very fast, especially if she feels unwanted when things dont work out in the bedroom one night. Problem is the more this happens, the more i get performance anxiety on top of it. Inconsistencies is also a big one.

I want to implement healthy boundaries to make it work, but I'm scared I'm simply not as strong as I thought I was. I'm scared of losing myself and my health. During the last fight I got very ill, to a point i did not eat. I want to show her i dont think she's a monster, but someone hurting. But i don't know how to protect myself either.

Any help appreciated, having people share similar stories and knowing I'm not alone is already amazing

Thank you

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Jabiru]

Hi and welcome

Being in a relationship with a person with BPD is a kind of special needs relationship. It takes extra skills and stamina -- check here. It also happens to attract us people pleasers (caretakers). Poor boundaries ultimately lead to a blow up on either side, so it's actually best for the long term to have boundaries to protect yourself and set reasonable expectations on the other's behavior.

It's good to hear you're going to therapy. Do take care of yourself and work with your therapist and yourself to make boundaries to protect yourself. Can you share some that you're thinking about? Best to start with a small one to test the waters and work your way up to bigger ones.

To avoid fights, I like to avoid JADE and remember this story.

[subwaytune]

Thank you so much for the reply and ressources.

I am currently working on "I" statements and setting up boundaries and how to withdraw from a situation without triggering avoidance.