Thank you for your response, the arguments are every single day usually over petty things that get blown up every single argument of ours goes onto another topic and then blows up it’s my fault just as much. Then during these “fake breakups” is what I call them she indulges in self destructive patterns such as clubbing drinking etc. I really don’t know what to do.
That's simple- stop arguing. Why would you want to be with someone that you argue with non-stop every single day? Just stop it and you won't have to argue anymore.
Now, I know what you'll say- she's wrong!
Of course she's wrong when she's unstable. But what's more important, being happy with someone you love, or being right in an argument over absolutely nothing?
You can't have both and arguments happen between two people.
So if you stop arguing, it's just her yelling over something that doesn't matter. And by showing her empathy and de-escalating the conversation, the yelling will stop.
It really is that simple. To stop arguing over things that don't matter, you simply have to be the bigger person.
Do you love her enough to do that? Because that's the answer here on whether or not you can "fix" your relationship and break these cycles.
You're probably thinking I'm wrong...I don't know what she's like or how intense she can be. But I've been there, all of us have. She has mental illness, she's sick, and she's lashing out because she feels unloved or insecure in that moment. So you show love and security and let that moment pass. Then it's back to the good stuff.
I am assuming that you are not mentally ill, which means that you must take the lead. She's unstable at times because of a chemical imbalance in her brain. It's hard to fault her for that. So if you love her, you must accept that and understand that you don't get to argue for days on end over nothing. You can break that cycle...she can't without your help.
One other thing- you're saying "fake breakup". For her, it's catastrophic because her emotions are so enhanced. She's going through devastation each cycle and it's tearing her apart inside. There's nothing fake about it, she's suffering because she can't understand why you can't understand her. It's as real as it gets and eventually, she won't come back.
You have the power to break this cycle, but you have to be committed to real change. Again, read through the sticky threads at the top of the page and really take them to heart. While a lot of this is not your fault, you play a role in her instability regardless and it's something you'll have to own up to.
