I just need to chat

[needsupport33]

Hey everyone,

This is my second post - the last one was a while ago. I just need to quickly make a post - because I'm feeling super alone. I'm married to a 37yo uwBPD, and it's just been a hard couple years.

I'm not even coming here with a question or a long story today, because I don't have the time to write it and she's home right now. I just need empathy. I work as a physician at night, and then come home and do telehealth appointments all day. I usually sleep from 830pm - 1230am every night - roughly 4 hours, but I basically work every day of the year, all day long, in between caring for kids and the house and all the other things that come with being an adult.

The reason for this, of course, is her impulse control. Since getting married, I've had to increase my income by about 2.5x to support the financial burdens of (name special treats here that are required for daily functioning).

My work schedule is super abnormal right? I mean other people aren't working like this? I'm so alone. The worst part though...is when she gets onto a topic in the middle of my work day, and I have patients to see, it's usually rage time when I can't talk to her. So, I'm being spent into having to work constantly, and yelled at for working. And then told daily that I'm abusive and neglectful.

This is hell, and I don't have a way out. I'll probably start posting more on here, just for a pat on the back once in a while.

Thanks for listening, and hope you're all okay.

[kells76]

Hi needsupport33,

Your life situation sounds pretty exhausting. When I don't get enough sleep, I definitely struggle emotionally. And yeah, the hard times can go on for years, I understand.

If I'm tracking with your last thread, you have two kids and your W has two kids? Is that situation about the same as it was last year -- or anything change there?

It can be hard to see a way out when you're already operating on an empty tank and have no reserves. You're in the driver's seat here for getting whatever help and support you need. Sometimes it's what you're doing -- sharing what's going on. Someday it might be asking for some ideas on a way out of the corner (and I know that takes energy). No pressure either way -- we'll be here when you feel up for trying something new, and we'll be here to listen when you just need to talk.

When you work nights, do you have any regular coworkers? If so, do you get along with them? I.e., even if the actual work may be high stress (I'm guessing based on your description of being a night MD), I'm curious if you have some chill coworkers.

Does your work support you getting counseling/therapy? I work for a large biotech company (healthcare-adjacent) and they are getting better about explicitly saying they support employee mental health care.

[ForeverDad]

You literally can't survive on 4 hours of sleep for very long.

Back in my youth I worked nights for three years.  I would try to stay up to listen to insightful lectures that were given right after lunch.  My goal was to listen to all 100 lectures given to a class of two dozen future missionaries.  Fortunately I didn't collapse but I never could get all 100 lectures in a row.  The best I could do was get 2-3 months of lectures, halt to get normal rest for a few months and then try again.

Some where around the house I have my notebook filled with my cramped notes.  I treasure them.  But it wasn't long before I realized I had limits, a few months I could do but not much longer.  You have limits too.

I agree that if you ever have children together then escaping the dysfunctional marriage will be so much more difficult.  Right now you could divorce and have short term anguish but long term relief since there would be no new custody or parenting issues to resolve.

Is there any way to limit her spending?  I hope you don't have a joint credit accounts, those can be difficult to close.