PTSD day

[yellowbutterfly]

I am struggling so much today and could use some support from the boards. While I've completed intensive trauma treatment for PTSD and technically do not have it anymore, I am having a debilitating day here like when I had full-blown PTSD.

I'm feeling paralyzed and unable to use my learned techniques to get out of this feeling.

It feels good to write this is the first day in weeks I've felt this, although, it feels HORRIBLE to have it back.

[Gemsforeyes]

Hi yellowbutterfly-

I’m sorry you’re having a setback today.  I hope you’ll try this to help yourself and maybe you already know about it.  I too suffer from C-PTSD and when I’m faced with an “uh oh”, I do this…

It’s called “Progressive Muscle Relaxation”.  Please type in You Tube, Progressive Muscle Relaxation, Therapy in a Nutshell”.

There’s nothing to watch.  Just listen.  Lie on your bed in loose, comfy clothes, free your toes and follow her voice for 9 minutes.

I’m sending you love and hugs.  And I pray this calms you the way it does me.

Warmly,
Gems

[yellowbutterfly]

Thanks, Gems, I will try that. Just seeing your response is helpful too.

[Gemsforeyes]

Yellowbutterfly-

Is there anything specific that would be helpful for you to talk about?

Xx,
Gems

[kells76]

Hi yellowbutterfly;

Yes, this is so familiar:

I'm feeling paralyzed and unable to use my learned techniques to get out of this feeling.

I also struggle with "knowing what I should do" and feeling like I'm not doing it when I should. Not the greatest framing, but it's what comes to mind in the moment: "I know better than this, I know the tools and skills, why am I not choosing to use them?"

Maybe there are good reasons we "don't want to" use our skills in certain moments... maybe our bodies and subconscious minds are telling us something.

I wonder if accepting the paralysis and non-tool-use could be a way to go? "Yup, I sure am feeling this way, and I don't like it, and I notice myself not doing things I have learned. That is happening. Probably my body has a good reason for disconnecting my brain wiring so I'm not using the tools."

Maybe you need some safety right now, and being frozen/paralyzed is a really good option? Can you honor that?

No right or wrong -- just thoughts from one "non-tool-user" to another 

[Gemsforeyes]

Hi yellowbutterfly-

I just wanted to check in and see if you’re feeling any relief this evening.  I hope you are.  I know these days can pop up out of nowhere. 

For some reason, I sometimes wake up to the uneasiness when it’s very windy outside, but not rainy.  No logical rhyme or reason, except maybe because I used to have this strong vision and feeling like *he was the wind and I was the wheat*.

But that’s not the case anymore.  I have to remember that’s not the case.

Hugs to you,
Gems

[yellowbutterfly]

Hi yellowbutterfly;

Yes, this is so familiar:

I also struggle with "knowing what I should do" and feeling like I'm not doing it when I should. Not the greatest framing, but it's what comes to mind in the moment: "I know better than this, I know the tools and skills, why am I not choosing to use them?"

Maybe there are good reasons we "don't want to" use our skills in certain moments... maybe our bodies and subconscious minds are telling us something.

I wonder if accepting the paralysis and non-tool-use could be a way to go? "Yup, I sure am feeling this way, and I don't like it, and I notice myself not doing things I have learned. That is happening. Probably my body has a good reason for disconnecting my brain wiring so I'm not using the tools."

Maybe you need some safety right now, and being frozen/paralyzed is a really good option? Can you honor that?

No right or wrong -- just thoughts from one "non-tool-user" to another 

Hi Kells,

This is so accurate. What I ended up doing was giving myself time to not use the tools. It felt right at the time.

I've had a lot of anxiety since but feeling slightly better and less "PTSD-relapse like". Thankfully I have T today!

[yellowbutterfly]

Hi yellowbutterfly-

I just wanted to check in and see if you’re feeling any relief this evening.  I hope you are.  I know these days can pop up out of nowhere. 

For some reason, I sometimes wake up to the uneasiness when it’s very windy outside, but not rainy.  No logical rhyme or reason, except maybe because I used to have this strong vision and feeling like *he was the wind and I was the wheat*.

But that’s not the case anymore.  I have to remember that’s not the case.

Hugs to you,
Gems

I've learned that I don't need the why or the answers always but it sure is hard to not try to seek them.

Some of what I've been feeling lately is anxiety from still having to clean up the mess of a life I was left with. I had to start over entirely after it all. I know the good and bad days will both exist but it had been a few weeks since I really felt the PTSD symptoms so it scared me. I am doing a little better today!