Mother’s Day is coming

[Mustang Sally]

My daughter has never been formally diagnosed with BPD but from opinions from several therapists and through reading I believe this best describes my daughter. We have been estranged on and off for the past two years. During that time she became so abusive that I had to tell her to move out. Her boyfriend then and now is both physically and verbally abusive. She became pregnant last year and now has a 7-month old. I’m afraid for the baby since her and her boyfriend still fight. When I told her she was being abused she told me to mind my own business and that I could no longer see the baby or her. I feel that she has agnosygnosiac - an inability to see her own issues. It’s always everyone else. I’m just afraid that one day I’m going to get a call saying she’s dead or injured.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Mustang Sally
Not being able to see any other point of view is typical of BPD. Years ago I thought my dd was on the autism spectrum because she was so self centred.

I used to try to see if she had any sympathy for me being unwell or someone else and it always came back to her. It is extraordinary and takes a while to see that it is part of this really awful illness.

I am so sorry for your situation. Have you thought of letting child protection know any details? It's so hard to tell what they would do. There are so many children in pretty dire situations I am not sure what it takes to get them to act.

In my case I just sat tight when dd would take gd off to live with her and the latest bf. It was not long before gd was back in my care, but it took a while for me to see this pattern. And it was just a nightmare of anxiety.

I hope you get some support here, because not many people understand just how awful it is journeying with a bpd child - and then grandchild in the picture.

I hope it will not be long until there is some form of contact re-established. In the meantime reading up on skills etc can make a big difference to how you be in this situation.

Sending lots of thoughts . . .

[Sancho]

Hi Mustang Sally
Have just been thinking about you because mothers day is just about here. I hope you are okay - but you probably are not.

Living with the fear that terrible news could arrive today or tomorrow is such a burden. We never seem to be able to be freed from the burden of BPD. Our lives are chaos when they are closely entwined with us; we are left with fear, anxiety and sorrow when they are not.

I hope you are able to recognise tomorrow that you have carried an intolerable burden, that you have done everything you possibly could do and you love your dd and grandchild.

[js friend]

Hi Mustang Sally,

My udd also has very strong Narcissistic traits as well as the undiagnosed bpd and in her mind and she also has the tendency to blame others for things that go wrong in her life. I have and others have tried giving udd advice which she never listens too...so dont be too hard on yourself. I been total No contact with my udd now  for the past 3 years which has unfortunately also involved me not seeing my grandchildren because udd wont allow it. I havent received a birthday card, Christmas card etc or heard from  my udd in years. At first it was difficult during these special occasions, especially when you see all the celebratory stuff in the shops but it will get easier.

Thankfully Im a bit sentimental and kept a lot of what she sent me or made for me when she was younger and healthier which I will some times come across. I dont look at them often because it makes me feel sad to remember how loving my udd was then to how she is now.
What Ive learnt over the years is do something special to do on these days.  Maybe going for a meal with friends, getting my hair, going on hike. Anything that focuses on you and your heath and  wellbeing. You have to take care of yourself Mustang Sally, you are still a person and her whether your udd wants to acknowledge you or not.